Day 8 - Progress/Adjustments

Fart nuggies,

I'm realizing as I update this blog that the only thing more boring than listening to your now-old man pontificate on the wisdom of the ages is to read his diary of self-help mediocrity. But the wheel is turning - so we must press on.

Firstly, I'm not hitting 100% success rate - I blame lack of accountability. No one knows what I'm doing and I have nothing to lose if I fail.

Morning routines - pretty much rocked out but was consistently late on my way out the door (too many dank meme breaks). Also, I hate working out in the morning. It really sucks to strap on shoes and go to 100 degree garage, alone and tired, and I would really prefer to enjoy the golden hours of morning.

For the night-time routines, I have also sucked. I think I hit double meditation twice. Journaled only electronically (including this). Meal preparation I'm 2/2 on and I have read every night. Some nights I read for over 2 hours which is intoxicating (currently reading: Atlas Shrugged - if one of you is named Atlas it will have been a contributing factor). Dishes? Eh. Definitively better, but I think we let them stack one night. Electronics fast has been a big win- I'm sure you'll have cybernetic implants or something and won't be able to separate but it is such a relief if you can. Silence is golden - occasionally I will just sit and think - very strange feeling.

How do I feel though?

Pretty damn good, actually. I can stay up all day without missing a beat (for comparison I would be fully out of commission without re-fueling by about 3pm) am no longer missing caffeine, although I thirst for the taste of coffee from the depths of loins. I've considered dabbling in decaf - which is ironic because I remember scoffing at patrons of P.F. Changs when they would order their stupid decaf coffee thinking it was so pointless.

Meditation wise - loving it. I have reduced my structure significantly and have several 2 minute blocks where I attempt to fade into nothingness. In fact the only thing that has remained constant is the slot for gratitude training. Never a shortage of people/things to be grateful for.

So here's the deal - revamping the schedule just by moving stuff around.

Weekday morning schedule: (note: not allowed to touch your phone until after meditation from now on)

• 5:20 am:         Wake up
• 5:20-5:30 am: Restroom, drink ice water, make bed
• 5:30-5:50 am: Read
• 5:50-6:05 am: Eat breakfast (while reading!) (rice, broc, bean)
• 6:05-6:15 am: Shower, dress
• 6:15-6:25 am: Meditate
• 6:25-6:40 am: Walk the Nixi
• 6:40 am:          Go to work

Weekday evening activities:

• Meditate (10 minutes)
• Journal (5 minutes)
• Meal preparation (if necessary)
• Exercise (minimum of 20 minutes or 2 miles ran)
• All dishes done and put away

Okay stinky-diaper-fillers, signing off because it is my bed time. Don't worry - with no electronics I will make up the 10 minutes or reading time lost (in case you were counting).

Love always,

Dad

P.S. I totally neglected almost everything today because I tried to take my GMAT after studying between 6-10 hours (which is not enough). I did okay but the chances that I have an MBA as I sire you into the world are very slim.

P.S.S. Your uncle Andrew showed up this weekend unexpectedly and we got the crew together to go see your great grandparents. You guys are going to be coming into a great (extended) family.

Song of the week: CROSS MY MIND - A R I Z O N A - It's sort of like Toto Rains in Africa meets modern day pop goodness. Living in AZ gives me a bias as well even though they're from New Jersey.

Your hot mom - no reason. Just because.

Day 3 of 28 - Check-in

It's Wednesday my dudes,

HOLY SHINTO! I utterly failed to comprehend the effects of the caffeine fast. I read about it after the fact and apparently there is a smart way to ween yourself off the juice but I went full cold turkey and Monday was actually one of the hardest days (first-world problems) I can remember.

Me on Monday: Splitting headache, lethargic and generally worthless.

I did actually complete the morning routine set out in the last post (except I ran about 10 minutes late because of some windshield wiper installation on your mother's vehicle). Then at work - had to give 110% as always but was running on fumes at by 10am. Your old man just took a new job and it's very demanding - lots to learn.

After work I drop off  the dry-cleaning and drive, in a haze, home. I nap on the couch while your saint of a mother prepares dinner which was an orzo pasta dish with loads of delicious fresh vegetables. I stayed awake just long enough to murder 2 bowls of the pasta and consume way too much bread. Then I did the dishes and told her I was going to lay down for 20 minutes. This was maybe 7pm or so. I woke up at 9pm and went to sleep and slept through the night.

Overall, not bad but was so far I am not accomplishing everything on the action list. Tuesday at 5:20am came and I was able to muster the strength to conquer the morning although while I was lacing up the Nikes I asked myself "is this really worth it?" and "do I actually need to be healthy?". The headaches were more bearable and I made it through the day. Carolyn got home after me and told her I would take her out to dinner so we wouldn't have to cook and clean that night. We were in bed asleep by 8:20pm and it was GLORIOUS.

Today felt much better. I didn't feel like death was creeping behind every corner and I actually felt a strange energy that I cannot recall feeling in ages. Last night I dreamt for the first time in recent memory. Read a little bit of "Atlas Shrugged" and ate vegetarian enchiladas that your mother makes. (I wonder what will be in her rotation when you read this) Did round 2 of meditation for the day a few minutes ago - it was nice but I didn't develop a third eye or anything. Popping this off in lieu of an actual journal entry. It's 7:23pm and the bed is screaming my name already.

Love always,

Dad

On Trying Something (that you know you will fail at)

Dear Kiddos,

I've noticed that as I write these entries I desire to appear indestructible to you. It's easy to write prose on the death of dreams and pretend to have unlimited inspiration and motivation when you look at a snapshot in time. So this time I'm going to mix it up write about something I intend to do but that (for me at least) will feel like a mammoth task.

I don't think I have the fortitude to commit to this for life but want to try a four week sprint - this is my version of living a life of intent, at an elevated level. From diet and substance intake to exercise and meditation. Fasting from electronics and desire.

Daily commitments:

• Caffeine fast (green tea during week 1 if "necessary")
• Electronics/television fast (on weekdays excluding business)
• Sugar fast (except Saturdays)
• Track progress on this experiment
• Eat meals at the table (not in front of TV)

Weekday morning schedule:

• 5:20 am:         Wake up
• 5:20-5:30 am: Restroom, drink ice water, make bed
• 5:30-5:50 am: Exercise
• 5:50-6:05 am: Eat breakfast (rice, vegetable, bean)
• 6:05-6:15 am: Shower, dress
• 6:15-6:25 am: Meditate
• 6:25-6:40 am: Walk the Nixi
• 6:40 am:          Go to work

Weekday evening activities:

• Meditate (10 minutes)
• Journal (5 minutes)
• Meal preparation (if necessary)
• Read (non-work related for 30 minutes)
• All dishes done and put away

Task completion:

• Construct a bucket list for life
• Tidying up completion (through sentimental and then get rid of it)
• Fast (only water) on Sundays - donate approximate food cost to charity
• Construct and organize "to-do list" utilizing 4 quadrants (7 Habits)

So that's what I'm going to try to do for the next 4 weeks. Stop wasting time doing things that don't seem to add much value to life. It's reasonable enough that I won't feel like a martyr but certainly a higher standard than I've grown used to lately. I get horrendous headaches right now on days when I don't have excessive amounts of coffee - not to mention I spend a fortune on it every year. I want to read more and eat healthy food that gives me nutrients like eagle's eggs (ask your uncle Andrew about this sometime). 

I'll let you know how I do - maybe this will be easy and I will do it for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm as weak as I fear and I won't even be able to wake up the first day. Wish me luck.

Love always,

Dad

On the Death of your Dreams

Dear Kiddos,

Okay, the title may be a little depressing. But this is a reality that you will be faced with as you grow up. Did you want to be firefighter? A physicist? A financial advisor? A stylist? Professional athlete? Teacher? Etc.

If you're anything like me you wanted to be a lot of things. Curiosity didn't just kill the cat. It kills the part of your soul that wants to live a lot of different lives and experience everything. I am faced to acknowledge that while I may be able to live a couple of dreams - you have to let go of many of them.

This has been depressing me lately as I fight through my quarter-life crisis. I haven't mastered this yet (obviously) but I think the trick is to be more judicious with what you choose to hold onto and what you allow to die. 

Letting go of dreams that you don't really believe in or that cannot happen will enrich the rest of your life. You won't be forced to live with the fear or guilt about not making those things a reality. And as they fade into the ether of existence you will be able to more fully embrace the life you have. 

On a side note - take big risks on your passions and dreams before you have anything. The more you have to lose, the less likely you will be able to let go of fear and chase down your dreams. And that is precisely what it will feel like. You'll have to bareknuckle brawl a freaking grizzly bear and wrestle an alligator in to submission in a battle royale to the death. That's what it costs to taste your dreams. But once you find the woman of your dreams, have a couple mortgages, a great job with people you enjoy working with, thinking about bringing you nerds into the world ... It becomes almost impossible to take big risks. 

The point of this isn't to make you feel like you can't do the things you want to do but to make sure that you are living a life of intent. Because like your grandfather always says "you have time for anything, just not time for everything". 

So figure out what you want out of this life as best you can (if you don't have the full picture, that's okay! I still don't!) and then chase it down and ride the unicorn into the sunset. And then as you sunsets behind your unicorn steed let the other dreams/ambitions/desires die with dignity. Thank them for their influence on your life and then let them go.

Cheers to the death of dreams!

Love always,

Dad

Fitting photo I suppose

Your Life Is Your Fault

Dear Kiddos,

You are very likely to realize this in stages as you grow up. Lately this thought has been throwing me uppercuts to the chin and speed bagging my yahoos repeatedly.  

Let’s just get out in front of the obvious argument here. You are not in control of anyone else. Shoot, I’m not even really in control of you (although I probably can hold things like rent or whatever over your head as leverage, especially if you’re twelve). You also aren’t in control of your genetic coding or whatever – if you are unhappy about being born ridiculously good-looking and able to eat whatever you want that is your mom’s fault.

Twice in the past two months I’ve been passed up for promotions at work. I have been given some lines about experience and time-in-role and whatnot. Those may be legitimate issues of mine but I’m certain they are not the reason that I didn’t get these jobs. Don’t ever let yourself be a victim. When you get beat out for something, fail a test, or whatever you need to look at yourself in the mirror and answer a simple question – “did I deserve to get beat?”.

I’ll save you a split second of the soul searching – the answer is yes. That’s why you got beat. And that isn’t to say you didn’t do well, or put forth a decent effort. You may even feel that you were a better candidate or that the umpire doesn’t like you because your dad kicked dirt in his cleats last year. Those things might also be true.

But did you do everything you could have? Hell nah.

I’ll try to stop before it gets too obtuse but I’ll give you some examples from my recent experience about things that I could have done differently.

Project work – could have worked on the 18 projects that I have thought of over the past few months at work but pushed off because of uncertainty. They would have distinguished me as a better leader but they didn’t happen so they didn’t.

Personal development – I have been a professional now for 5 years and for the most part have been satisfied to clock in and out for the day job (even though it was sometimes a 60-hour week) and during that time I could have already completed an MBA program and/or my CFP. Instead I spent 4 days acquiring a CRPC that everyone else has. That’s just the obvious stuff that goes on a resume. Who knows what other skills I could have developed?

Networking – I have met a lot of people through the years and have done an average to poor job of nurturing those relationships.

I also probably could have gone to class in college, woken up early, not watched so many Netflix original series, taken less coffee breaks, passed my CFA level 1, volunteered more in the local community, etc.

You get the point.

I was at this absurd mansion this past week attending for a wedding. He opened up his thousand dollar bottles of scotch. There was an umbrella that’s probably bigger than our house. 

What does that guy have that I don’t? Nothing. He’s just a man, and so I am. And so are you (or you’re a woman – but it’s the same. I just don’t feel like differentiating genders all the time. This lesson works for all of us.)

Here’s the real deal squad – suck it up, own your failures, realize that your life is your fault and do something about it.

I can just hear your passive-aggressive voice now “So what are you doing now, dad?”

I'm revamping my daily life and furthering my education of course! Always a good generic answer! I take my GMAT on June 26^th. You’ll know how well I do by what type of house you’re living in. After that we look at MBA programs and whatnot. Who knows what’s next? But I’m taking steps to make myself harder to say no to and that’s what matters most.

Off the soapbox and back to work!

Love always,

Dad

On Keeping Score

Hey turds,

If I have learned anything lately from trying to balance the ledger of my life it's that you simply cannot. 

I think without acknowledging it I've attempted to make sure things have stayed even. You buy me lunch; I'll buy you lunch. You buy this round; I'll get the next one. You spent $100 on my birthday; I'll be sure to match it when it comes around. 

I think that's generally a best practice in meaningless things but there are two major caveats that you should do your best to avoid.

1 - Trying to pay back the un-pay-back-able

You want to repay a parent for the years of butt-wiping and tuition-paying and sleepless nights? You can't. Someone who really helps you out in a time of need? If you're lucky they'll call on you to do the same. Accept these gifts graciously and thank them lavishly. 

My issue with this is that I don't like feeling that I owe anyone anything; but I do. We all do and you can't always do/say/buy things to make it up them and balance your book. Go ahead and try to but don't hold yourself to an impossible standard.

2- Keeping track of what you give

I think this is tricky too. Don't give anything to do anyone unless you are willing to have it be a gift. Unless you have a written contract; prepare for it to be a gift. You'll probably buy a lot of meals and coffees for people that will "get you back". They won't and that's okay. When you give you should do so liberally and without conditions. Hopefully if you're in trouble someone will be there to do the same for you. 

I'm terrible at this life lesson at this point for the record; but I'm working on it. We'll see how I'm doing by the time you guys are running around. 

Love always,

Dad