On Sadness

Hey Kiddo,

Surely you didn't believe it was all sunshine and rainbows, right?

Sometimes I wish it was but in moments of clarity I feel a deep appreciation for the dark times. You cannot know light without darkness.

I don't have any recollection of the first time I savored sadness but I can remember the moment felt profound. The empty feeling in the pit of your heart, that burns in your chest when you are alone, is to be cherished. It's how you know you're alive, that you're walking through the valley and that you will come out of it. If you get cut your body activates some system of macrophages/antibodies/whatever and your skin grows back stronger, thicker, and more impervious to pain. I think your heart works the same way.

I don't have advice for getting rid of sadness, it will leave you once it's done teaching it's lesson. My counsel is to embrace it when it comes but be sure to let it pass and allow the void it leaves to become more full of love than ever.

Here is a kick in the pants.We are flying through the universe at incredible speeds on a speck of dust and according to the conventional science (of today) this planet will die from heat death in 5 billion years when the sun envelops the Earth as our sun expands and dies itself. That should make you feel small and at the same time larger than life (literally). You are here and conscious, you can transcend space and time with your thinking mind.

You are precious and you have worth. If you don't feel like you have anything to live for then you should live for others, there is no greater purpose.

Don't be afraid to dig deeper and surprise yourself with your own fortitude. Or you can lean on your old man and I'll lend you what's left of mine.

Love always,

Dad

P.S. I'm not a believer in the whole "there are people less fortunate, you should feel bad" philosophy, all that ever did was make me feel guilty. It is your duty and honor to help those who aren't as well off as you but their trials don't diminish yours. Revel in your humanity and do what you can to breathe life into your sphere of influence.

Picture I took tonight thinking about this

On Happiness

Dear Kiddo,

There is no light without darkness and the ephemeral nature of happiness seems to constantly leave you yearning for more. I’m hopeful that you weren’t all born as cynical bastards, like your pops, but if you were maybe this will help. 

This life will be what you make of it. For years I used to quote the movie “Office Space” (available on VHS, you’ll have to look that up) when people asked how I was doing and say that “today is the new worst day of my life.” I used to (and still do when I’m being simple minded) look to things to make me happy. New clothes, new toys, new video games, new hobbies (never mastered). Let me save you some time… things do not make you happy. You make you happy. 

That’s it. You get to decide. That’s the big secret. It’s not easy to decide everyday but every time you open your eyes you are blessed to be offered that decision.

Reading my first attempt at this novel/blog I was reminded that I gave a couple tear-wrenching dialogues to people when I was 21 about how I finally let go of trying to become my brother or my father and for the first time in my life I was finally, definitively, decidedly, happy. It’s not that I’m a great speaker, by the way, I just happened to say something true and people can always feel sincerity. But I think they were moved to tears because they could feel that revelation resonating within themselves. Who doesn’t want to feel comfortable in their own skin? Now when people ask me how I’m doing I tell them the truth.

Living the dream.

Not convinced? That’s okay. I’m not much of poet despite my best efforts. Good news for you though, you little cynic.


Happiness can be synthetic. There is no scientifically measurable difference between people who are “really” happy and those who chose to be (a.k.a. fake it ‘til you make it!). Here is a link to a TedTalk by Dan Gilbert, probably a better explanation than the one I tried to give. 

Next time you are walking alone do me a favor and just bust out in laughter. Life is beautiful, we live in a wonderful world filled with miraculous people (even when there is a storm raging in your life). If you think you have nothing to be happy about you’re wrong. You get to be you and that is the perfect thing to be.


Love always,

Dad

A Foreward

Instead of boring you with the details of my truly mundane and extremely average life, I plan to blog for another purpose. This is not meant for you (the reader) and it's certainly not for me, though I hope we'll both enjoy it. I may come, with time, to regret the things that I post here as my opinions and viewpoints change. 

Nonetheless, these posts will be intended for my (future) children.

I am engaged to a lovely and vibrant young woman (Carolyn) and am hopeful that in future years we will be able to start a family. I will become a crusty old man who has lost ties with the world around me but my hope is to write these blogs as a peer to my kids. By 2035 I anticipate that I will don socks with sandals, rock a full-blown dad bod, and be wildly out of touch with technology but am hopeful these words may resonate. 

The plan is to choose a different topic each week(money, religion, success, education, following your dreams, relationships, etc) and then send a message to the unborn fruit of my loins that they may read many years later. Likely in high school when they will be most annoying, as we all were. 

Mistakes will be made,  by each and every one of us. You will not be loved any less for your shortcomings and you will always have someone in your corner. In my angst-filled years I threatened to move out of my family home and take on the world at the ripe age of seventeen. I yelled at my parents about how foolish they were. My father made me realize something that day as the emotion rose in his voice and he asserted "sometimes I may have to fight against you...when you're wrong...but I will always fight for you."  

It was hard to be on the cusp of manhood, understanding some elements of this life while so many others escaped me, but I will never forget that moment. Life is a collection of memories, most of which fade as the sands of time stain your memories in sepia tones. This is a moment that will stay with me always in vibrant color. I did not fully recognize it at the time but I never felt more loved in my life. I offer the same contract to my own children, though they are just a twinkle in my eye. 

Love always, 

Dad 

P.S. I already know you will all like your mother better, you would be foolish not to. Please keep this to yourself. 

Bru Crew