On Grief, Time, and Moving On

Dear Kiddos,

Today marks three months since I lost my buddy Matt. As death and loss are inevitable I imagine this is worth talking about twice.

I remember in the days following Matt's passing going onto YouTube (website with videos, probably still around) and typing in searches like "how to deal with..." and "best way to deal with..." and so on. The videos that came through were vapid and vague. The documentaries on Craig Sager were more comforting for some reason than the psychological overlords words of wisdom.

I always had imagined that when something like this happened that you would heal like cut, scrape, or broken bone. Someone else pointed out that losing a close loved one is more like losing a limb. You learn how to move forward and cope - but there is no end game of "full healing". I went through 11 years of his Facebook photos today on our shared account that we never got up and running (we were supposed to become famous on YouTube somehow). As I reflected on the moments shared together and time lost  I found myself jealous of all the moments I wasn't there for.

Why didn't I go on the summer Europe trip in high school? Why was I such a homebody? Why wouldn't I socialize with his friends that I wasn't close with? Why not quit my job and move out to California together? You get the idea - you can play this game all day. In the end, I think it boiled down being lazy - too many video games and television, not enough life.

If Matt was sitting in the armchair next to me I think he'd tell me shut up and live some more life. We only have the days and moments in front of us. I don't want to lay on a coach and watch shows and movies I've already seen before (even though that's literally what I did today - watching "Your Lie in April" which was an anime that your uncle Matt had recommended to your mom and I while we were driving home after a photo shoot at Schnepf Farms). So now I'm staying up late to write something that might mean something to you one day - tomorrow I'm waking up early and going to go spend time with my big brother Patrick.

I think that is sort of the secret to moving forward. Stay busy, stay grateful, and live some life. Even when you are feeling like butt because someone is missing.

So now the question is how do we live life? Saw something the other day that was written by John Perry Barlow - one of the lyricists for Grateful Dead - whose music I know almost nothing of. Came off his list of "Principles of Adult Behavior" and think it might be a pretty solid north star.

#15: Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that.

Well guys - I guess you are my mission. Helping you to grow and then embrace your own #15 - whatever that may be. Also, I strive to improve the financial lives of my clients from about 8AM until 6PM M-F and some weekends.

Hang on to the people you love - drink deeply from the well - and live some life. Don't waste your time because unfortunately it is not an infinite resource - for you or the people you love.

Love always,

Dad

P.S. when you read this one, you should come grab me and ask me about Matt. I'll show you some pictures and tell you some stories I shouldn't.

Tian Tan - Hong Kong October 2017