Your Life Is Your Fault

Dear Kiddos,

You are very likely to realize this in stages as you grow up. Lately this thought has been throwing me uppercuts to the chin and speed bagging my yahoos repeatedly.  

Let’s just get out in front of the obvious argument here. You are not in control of anyone else. Shoot, I’m not even really in control of you (although I probably can hold things like rent or whatever over your head as leverage, especially if you’re twelve). You also aren’t in control of your genetic coding or whatever – if you are unhappy about being born ridiculously good-looking and able to eat whatever you want that is your mom’s fault.

Twice in the past two months I’ve been passed up for promotions at work. I have been given some lines about experience and time-in-role and whatnot. Those may be legitimate issues of mine but I’m certain they are not the reason that I didn’t get these jobs. Don’t ever let yourself be a victim. When you get beat out for something, fail a test, or whatever you need to look at yourself in the mirror and answer a simple question – “did I deserve to get beat?”.

I’ll save you a split second of the soul searching – the answer is yes. That’s why you got beat. And that isn’t to say you didn’t do well, or put forth a decent effort. You may even feel that you were a better candidate or that the umpire doesn’t like you because your dad kicked dirt in his cleats last year. Those things might also be true.

But did you do everything you could have? Hell nah.

I’ll try to stop before it gets too obtuse but I’ll give you some examples from my recent experience about things that I could have done differently.

Project work – could have worked on the 18 projects that I have thought of over the past few months at work but pushed off because of uncertainty. They would have distinguished me as a better leader but they didn’t happen so they didn’t.

Personal development – I have been a professional now for 5 years and for the most part have been satisfied to clock in and out for the day job (even though it was sometimes a 60-hour week) and during that time I could have already completed an MBA program and/or my CFP. Instead I spent 4 days acquiring a CRPC that everyone else has. That’s just the obvious stuff that goes on a resume. Who knows what other skills I could have developed?

Networking – I have met a lot of people through the years and have done an average to poor job of nurturing those relationships.

I also probably could have gone to class in college, woken up early, not watched so many Netflix original series, taken less coffee breaks, passed my CFA level 1, volunteered more in the local community, etc.

You get the point.

I was at this absurd mansion this past week attending for a wedding. He opened up his thousand dollar bottles of scotch. There was an umbrella that’s probably bigger than our house. 

What does that guy have that I don’t? Nothing. He’s just a man, and so I am. And so are you (or you’re a woman – but it’s the same. I just don’t feel like differentiating genders all the time. This lesson works for all of us.)

Here’s the real deal squad – suck it up, own your failures, realize that your life is your fault and do something about it.

I can just hear your passive-aggressive voice now “So what are you doing now, dad?”

I'm revamping my daily life and furthering my education of course! Always a good generic answer! I take my GMAT on June 26^th. You’ll know how well I do by what type of house you’re living in. After that we look at MBA programs and whatnot. Who knows what’s next? But I’m taking steps to make myself harder to say no to and that’s what matters most.

Off the soapbox and back to work!

Love always,

Dad

On Sadness

Hey Kiddo,

Surely you didn't believe it was all sunshine and rainbows, right?

Sometimes I wish it was but in moments of clarity I feel a deep appreciation for the dark times. You cannot know light without darkness.

I don't have any recollection of the first time I savored sadness but I can remember the moment felt profound. The empty feeling in the pit of your heart, that burns in your chest when you are alone, is to be cherished. It's how you know you're alive, that you're walking through the valley and that you will come out of it. If you get cut your body activates some system of macrophages/antibodies/whatever and your skin grows back stronger, thicker, and more impervious to pain. I think your heart works the same way.

I don't have advice for getting rid of sadness, it will leave you once it's done teaching it's lesson. My counsel is to embrace it when it comes but be sure to let it pass and allow the void it leaves to become more full of love than ever.

Here is a kick in the pants.We are flying through the universe at incredible speeds on a speck of dust and according to the conventional science (of today) this planet will die from heat death in 5 billion years when the sun envelops the Earth as our sun expands and dies itself. That should make you feel small and at the same time larger than life (literally). You are here and conscious, you can transcend space and time with your thinking mind.

You are precious and you have worth. If you don't feel like you have anything to live for then you should live for others, there is no greater purpose.

Don't be afraid to dig deeper and surprise yourself with your own fortitude. Or you can lean on your old man and I'll lend you what's left of mine.

Love always,

Dad

P.S. I'm not a believer in the whole "there are people less fortunate, you should feel bad" philosophy, all that ever did was make me feel guilty. It is your duty and honor to help those who aren't as well off as you but their trials don't diminish yours. Revel in your humanity and do what you can to breathe life into your sphere of influence.

Picture I took tonight thinking about this