Day 3 of 28 - Check-in

It's Wednesday my dudes,

HOLY SHINTO! I utterly failed to comprehend the effects of the caffeine fast. I read about it after the fact and apparently there is a smart way to ween yourself off the juice but I went full cold turkey and Monday was actually one of the hardest days (first-world problems) I can remember.

Me on Monday: Splitting headache, lethargic and generally worthless.

I did actually complete the morning routine set out in the last post (except I ran about 10 minutes late because of some windshield wiper installation on your mother's vehicle). Then at work - had to give 110% as always but was running on fumes at by 10am. Your old man just took a new job and it's very demanding - lots to learn.

After work I drop off  the dry-cleaning and drive, in a haze, home. I nap on the couch while your saint of a mother prepares dinner which was an orzo pasta dish with loads of delicious fresh vegetables. I stayed awake just long enough to murder 2 bowls of the pasta and consume way too much bread. Then I did the dishes and told her I was going to lay down for 20 minutes. This was maybe 7pm or so. I woke up at 9pm and went to sleep and slept through the night.

Overall, not bad but was so far I am not accomplishing everything on the action list. Tuesday at 5:20am came and I was able to muster the strength to conquer the morning although while I was lacing up the Nikes I asked myself "is this really worth it?" and "do I actually need to be healthy?". The headaches were more bearable and I made it through the day. Carolyn got home after me and told her I would take her out to dinner so we wouldn't have to cook and clean that night. We were in bed asleep by 8:20pm and it was GLORIOUS.

Today felt much better. I didn't feel like death was creeping behind every corner and I actually felt a strange energy that I cannot recall feeling in ages. Last night I dreamt for the first time in recent memory. Read a little bit of "Atlas Shrugged" and ate vegetarian enchiladas that your mother makes. (I wonder what will be in her rotation when you read this) Did round 2 of meditation for the day a few minutes ago - it was nice but I didn't develop a third eye or anything. Popping this off in lieu of an actual journal entry. It's 7:23pm and the bed is screaming my name already.

Love always,

Dad

On Trying Something (that you know you will fail at)

Dear Kiddos,

I've noticed that as I write these entries I desire to appear indestructible to you. It's easy to write prose on the death of dreams and pretend to have unlimited inspiration and motivation when you look at a snapshot in time. So this time I'm going to mix it up write about something I intend to do but that (for me at least) will feel like a mammoth task.

I don't think I have the fortitude to commit to this for life but want to try a four week sprint - this is my version of living a life of intent, at an elevated level. From diet and substance intake to exercise and meditation. Fasting from electronics and desire.

Daily commitments:

• Caffeine fast (green tea during week 1 if "necessary")
• Electronics/television fast (on weekdays excluding business)
• Sugar fast (except Saturdays)
• Track progress on this experiment
• Eat meals at the table (not in front of TV)

Weekday morning schedule:

• 5:20 am:         Wake up
• 5:20-5:30 am: Restroom, drink ice water, make bed
• 5:30-5:50 am: Exercise
• 5:50-6:05 am: Eat breakfast (rice, vegetable, bean)
• 6:05-6:15 am: Shower, dress
• 6:15-6:25 am: Meditate
• 6:25-6:40 am: Walk the Nixi
• 6:40 am:          Go to work

Weekday evening activities:

• Meditate (10 minutes)
• Journal (5 minutes)
• Meal preparation (if necessary)
• Read (non-work related for 30 minutes)
• All dishes done and put away

Task completion:

• Construct a bucket list for life
• Tidying up completion (through sentimental and then get rid of it)
• Fast (only water) on Sundays - donate approximate food cost to charity
• Construct and organize "to-do list" utilizing 4 quadrants (7 Habits)

So that's what I'm going to try to do for the next 4 weeks. Stop wasting time doing things that don't seem to add much value to life. It's reasonable enough that I won't feel like a martyr but certainly a higher standard than I've grown used to lately. I get horrendous headaches right now on days when I don't have excessive amounts of coffee - not to mention I spend a fortune on it every year. I want to read more and eat healthy food that gives me nutrients like eagle's eggs (ask your uncle Andrew about this sometime). 

I'll let you know how I do - maybe this will be easy and I will do it for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm as weak as I fear and I won't even be able to wake up the first day. Wish me luck.

Love always,

Dad

On the Death of your Dreams

Dear Kiddos,

Okay, the title may be a little depressing. But this is a reality that you will be faced with as you grow up. Did you want to be firefighter? A physicist? A financial advisor? A stylist? Professional athlete? Teacher? Etc.

If you're anything like me you wanted to be a lot of things. Curiosity didn't just kill the cat. It kills the part of your soul that wants to live a lot of different lives and experience everything. I am faced to acknowledge that while I may be able to live a couple of dreams - you have to let go of many of them.

This has been depressing me lately as I fight through my quarter-life crisis. I haven't mastered this yet (obviously) but I think the trick is to be more judicious with what you choose to hold onto and what you allow to die. 

Letting go of dreams that you don't really believe in or that cannot happen will enrich the rest of your life. You won't be forced to live with the fear or guilt about not making those things a reality. And as they fade into the ether of existence you will be able to more fully embrace the life you have. 

On a side note - take big risks on your passions and dreams before you have anything. The more you have to lose, the less likely you will be able to let go of fear and chase down your dreams. And that is precisely what it will feel like. You'll have to bareknuckle brawl a freaking grizzly bear and wrestle an alligator in to submission in a battle royale to the death. That's what it costs to taste your dreams. But once you find the woman of your dreams, have a couple mortgages, a great job with people you enjoy working with, thinking about bringing you nerds into the world ... It becomes almost impossible to take big risks. 

The point of this isn't to make you feel like you can't do the things you want to do but to make sure that you are living a life of intent. Because like your grandfather always says "you have time for anything, just not time for everything". 

So figure out what you want out of this life as best you can (if you don't have the full picture, that's okay! I still don't!) and then chase it down and ride the unicorn into the sunset. And then as you sunsets behind your unicorn steed let the other dreams/ambitions/desires die with dignity. Thank them for their influence on your life and then let them go.

Cheers to the death of dreams!

Love always,

Dad

Fitting photo I suppose

Your Life Is Your Fault

Dear Kiddos,

You are very likely to realize this in stages as you grow up. Lately this thought has been throwing me uppercuts to the chin and speed bagging my yahoos repeatedly.  

Let’s just get out in front of the obvious argument here. You are not in control of anyone else. Shoot, I’m not even really in control of you (although I probably can hold things like rent or whatever over your head as leverage, especially if you’re twelve). You also aren’t in control of your genetic coding or whatever – if you are unhappy about being born ridiculously good-looking and able to eat whatever you want that is your mom’s fault.

Twice in the past two months I’ve been passed up for promotions at work. I have been given some lines about experience and time-in-role and whatnot. Those may be legitimate issues of mine but I’m certain they are not the reason that I didn’t get these jobs. Don’t ever let yourself be a victim. When you get beat out for something, fail a test, or whatever you need to look at yourself in the mirror and answer a simple question – “did I deserve to get beat?”.

I’ll save you a split second of the soul searching – the answer is yes. That’s why you got beat. And that isn’t to say you didn’t do well, or put forth a decent effort. You may even feel that you were a better candidate or that the umpire doesn’t like you because your dad kicked dirt in his cleats last year. Those things might also be true.

But did you do everything you could have? Hell nah.

I’ll try to stop before it gets too obtuse but I’ll give you some examples from my recent experience about things that I could have done differently.

Project work – could have worked on the 18 projects that I have thought of over the past few months at work but pushed off because of uncertainty. They would have distinguished me as a better leader but they didn’t happen so they didn’t.

Personal development – I have been a professional now for 5 years and for the most part have been satisfied to clock in and out for the day job (even though it was sometimes a 60-hour week) and during that time I could have already completed an MBA program and/or my CFP. Instead I spent 4 days acquiring a CRPC that everyone else has. That’s just the obvious stuff that goes on a resume. Who knows what other skills I could have developed?

Networking – I have met a lot of people through the years and have done an average to poor job of nurturing those relationships.

I also probably could have gone to class in college, woken up early, not watched so many Netflix original series, taken less coffee breaks, passed my CFA level 1, volunteered more in the local community, etc.

You get the point.

I was at this absurd mansion this past week attending for a wedding. He opened up his thousand dollar bottles of scotch. There was an umbrella that’s probably bigger than our house. 

What does that guy have that I don’t? Nothing. He’s just a man, and so I am. And so are you (or you’re a woman – but it’s the same. I just don’t feel like differentiating genders all the time. This lesson works for all of us.)

Here’s the real deal squad – suck it up, own your failures, realize that your life is your fault and do something about it.

I can just hear your passive-aggressive voice now “So what are you doing now, dad?”

I'm revamping my daily life and furthering my education of course! Always a good generic answer! I take my GMAT on June 26^th. You’ll know how well I do by what type of house you’re living in. After that we look at MBA programs and whatnot. Who knows what’s next? But I’m taking steps to make myself harder to say no to and that’s what matters most.

Off the soapbox and back to work!

Love always,

Dad

On Keeping Score

Hey turds,

If I have learned anything lately from trying to balance the ledger of my life it's that you simply cannot. 

I think without acknowledging it I've attempted to make sure things have stayed even. You buy me lunch; I'll buy you lunch. You buy this round; I'll get the next one. You spent $100 on my birthday; I'll be sure to match it when it comes around. 

I think that's generally a best practice in meaningless things but there are two major caveats that you should do your best to avoid.

1 - Trying to pay back the un-pay-back-able

You want to repay a parent for the years of butt-wiping and tuition-paying and sleepless nights? You can't. Someone who really helps you out in a time of need? If you're lucky they'll call on you to do the same. Accept these gifts graciously and thank them lavishly. 

My issue with this is that I don't like feeling that I owe anyone anything; but I do. We all do and you can't always do/say/buy things to make it up them and balance your book. Go ahead and try to but don't hold yourself to an impossible standard.

2- Keeping track of what you give

I think this is tricky too. Don't give anything to do anyone unless you are willing to have it be a gift. Unless you have a written contract; prepare for it to be a gift. You'll probably buy a lot of meals and coffees for people that will "get you back". They won't and that's okay. When you give you should do so liberally and without conditions. Hopefully if you're in trouble someone will be there to do the same for you. 

I'm terrible at this life lesson at this point for the record; but I'm working on it. We'll see how I'm doing by the time you guys are running around. 

Love always,

Dad

On Planning a Trip

Hey kiddos,

I thought this might be interesting to write about because it should apply to any trip you take and what is life if not one (hopefully long) journey.

Your mom and I are reading to go to Japan and Hawaii for two weeks at the beginning of next month and in doing so we are faced with a lot of good questions about the right way to plan (or not plan) our travels. I generally think there are two basic ways to do this and then the continuum between them comprises the way in which they actually get completed.

First way - buy the ticket and take the trip. Arguments for this mentality would be that each journey is truly unique and you will experience the place you're visiting unlike anyone else. Last time I traveled with a friend to Japan he kept reminding me that "as long as you have your credit card and passport; you're good".

Second way - plan everything down to the last detail. The flights, the climate, the hotels, the restaurants, the landmarks, the trains, the walk times. Everything. Biggest positive to this way of traveling is you'll feel like you're maximizing the trip.

I just realized the other day that this trip is going to cost me about twice as much as my first car. When you are as stingy as me and throw down that sort of money you want to make sure you're juicing every moment of enjoyment out of the trip.

So what's the right way? You know who you are; so do what feels right to you. I'll try to leave some gaps for spontaneity to appease your mother but I know that I won't enjoy myself as much without a plan.

Anyways, as you journey through life just figure out what you're doing and live with intention.

Love always,

Dad

P.S. because I'm an energizer bunny when traveling I'll be waking up 2 hours early to explore and then going back to pick up your mother for the rest of the days while we travel. That way she can sleep in and I can wear myself out so I won't be as annoying while we're together. And that's how you make a marriage work. Boom goes the dynamite.

On Living a Life of Intent

Hey kiddos,

This past week has been a blast. Been trying to work on some things regarding time and life management and will possibly develop them in a more formal process in the future. I just wanted to give you some background on the stuff that has been hitting me lately and see if I can’t help you on the learning curve.

One of my cousins was talking to me about their attempt to join the Navy SEALs, which is known the be the most amazing fighting force on the planet. He was talking about how his perspective on life has changed since they had to crawl through mud while vomiting and pooping their pants. I guess experiencing that sort of event turns down the volume on everything else. He suggested that I do the same and quote someone (don’t recall who said it) that being smart is learning from your own experience but being wise is learning from someone else’s.

Anyways, I was listening to this podcast where Tim Ferriss interviews Tony Robins (look them up on Wikipedia for 2 minutes) and there was a conversation regarding the difference between achievement and fulfillment and how the latter is the one to be sought after. They give some striking examples but one thing that stuck out to me was how gratitude, in practice, is the opposite of fear and anger. If you’re truly being grateful for the things you have it’s impossible to live in a negative state. I’m sure there is loads of deep philosophical thought on what you can be grateful for and comparing your station in life to those less fortunate, etc. but if you’re reading this; you have plenty to be grateful for.

So what’s my tip for the week?

1. Organize your life – prioritize the way that you spend your time and money and make sure that what you think is the most important is reflecting with your monetary and time budget. For instance, if you have a relationship you care about and you don’t spend time out on dates or listening to stories (your mother can tell a freaking story) and you do spend time watching television/Netflix/etc. then it’s time to make a change.
2. Have a process – it becomes very easy to break down where things are falling apart in your life if you’re following a process. I like to compare this to dietary issues. Everyone is on a diet (meaning everyone eats some food) but most people’s diets are called “chaos” and consist of just eating whatever you want, whenever you want.
3. Details matter – plan your mornings and evenings down to the minute. I use 5-minute increments to plan what my schedule looks like and I have found it extremely liberating. There is less time to think and decide so you are forced into action. 

Anyways, these posts are morphing into a self-help column so I’ll try to control myself with the next blog and talk about something else but the truth is if you aren’t improving then you’re already dead.

Have a great rest of the day.

Love always,

Dad

Just a Little Nugget; One Year Later

Dear kiddos,

Walking with my friend today outside a Whole Foods (it’s this grocery store where everything is the same but costs twice as much) I blacked out and said something that was quasi-profound by accident. My realization was there are only three things you should concern yourself with in this life.  

1. How are you spending your time?
2. How are you treating your body?
3. How are you spending your money?

I’ll start with the last item on the list. Money.

I’m constantly baffled as I waste away in my cubicle (even though I really do like what I do) that a third of my time on this planet will be spent asleep and another third will be spent inside the four walls of my office building. So even though “money doesn’t buy happiness” it certainly seems like it covers paying the mortgage/phone bill/etc. and because it’s so darn efficient at those things I’m forced to trade in 9 or 10 hours a weekday to chase it down. Just remember that you are trading your time for your money; so make it count.

Next, the bod.

You’ll only get one. And whether you’re born with a “perfect” or irregular body you better get used to loving the one you got. A recent sensation of the 21^st century has brought about the positive body image movement which has been mostly a good thing. Please, for the love of God, don’t be a “fitness chick/bro” and don’t post those photos of Marilyn Monroe saying how modern conceptions of beauty are so out of touch and she was such a sex symbol…blah…blah…blah.

Life is balance. Take care of your body. Run a little, do some push-ups, drink plenty of water, and eat a healthy diet (aka vegetables). Everyone is on a “diet” but most people are on one called “chaos”. This part of your life has to be prioritized otherwise it gets totally ignored. You’ll add years to your life and feel amazing.

PSA: if you do have a nice body, you do not NEED to post it on the internet (or whatever you’re calling it now). In fact, I would strongly encourage you not to.

Lastly, your time.

The only thing you can’t get back. This you have to figure out for yourself.

Good luck.

Love always,

Dad