On a sad day

Hey sweet cheeks,

Always hard to try to be there for someone on a sad day. I've never been very good at it because I always thought I was supposed to do something to make you feel better or say something that would help to fix the problem. I'm learning that probably isn't the right method - I think the right move is is probably to listen and love you endlessly.

Please give me a call (or just come home from school I guess since you probably live with me) so I can listen to you - I might try to fix your problems because my heart will break for you and I'll want to make you all better - but you can remind me to be quite and listen.

Loving you is easy to do. You are currently doing yoga in your mommy's belly - she can't sleep very well but she forgives you already because you're so sweet.

You've answered so many questions for me that I've carried along for so long. I always wondered if you had to earn someone's love. I suppose I should have learned the answer to that from my parents but naturally (and unfortunately) you have to learn some things on your own. The reason I know you don't need to earn love is because you were the size of a poppy seed when I fell in love with you.

There are no words to describe how I feel about you. You are my infinite love. Your heart started beating 22 days after you were conceived and about a week after I found out you were coming to join us. After nearly thirty years of searching for a purpose in life you illuminated mine for me in an instant.

You are a miracle - I was just holding your space

I love you to the moon and back and bigger than a bigraffe.

Love always,

Dad

















P.S. I didn't think of the miracle line - it's from a sad song that sort of stinks so I was torn on quoting it but also didn't want to steal credit.

How I Met Your Mother

Hiya buddy,

Where to begin? I was thinking about trying to memorialize our little story since that's sort of where you came from and you're the next chapter. I was also thinking about flexing this little post into some awkward dating advice from your father that you don't want to listen to. Maybe another time.

So the night we met - a Friday night in April. It's about 90 degrees outside as I hop off my 1970's Schwin Le Tour that I had scored online a few months back. The sun is setting as I'm rolling down my right pant leg and strapping on my apron and walking into PF Changs China Bistro in Tempe for another Friday closing shift. A few hours into the shift I'm walking out of the kitchen as my boss gives me the point and wink and says "you're welcome". I look up and see your mother strolling past as she goes past to be sat at table 25.

I assume that you have some concept of what she looks like - but you weren't there that night so I will help. As she walks past me she doesn't make eye contact. This is either because she is too classy or because her heel game is so on point it requires 100% focus to make it to the table standing. Her hair falls down around her face in loose curls past her bare shoulders. As I caught the gaze of her deep brown eyes I had no clue that those would be the eyes I would lose myself in everyday for the rest of my life. And her smile, you guys, I know she still smiles so you know what I'm talking about, but damn. Frankly, her dress should have been about six inches longer - I saw it years later and thought it was a t-shirt. In any event,whatever she was doing that night, it was working.

She was with a few girlfriends and they were taking her out for her 20th birthday. I remember what she ordered that night (chicken lettuce wraps, honey shrimp, honey chicken, and candied walnut shrimp) and she claims that I didn't mix her Chang's sauce (I did, but whatever). After dragging Uncle Andrew to the table to do our twin routine the group dropped a hint about us hanging out later and celebrating her birthday with them. Before the girls left I worked up the courage to scribble down my phone number on a napkin and take it out with some free desserts - I had never done this before and thought that I would go to prison for sexual harassment. Her memory gets fuzzy on this as well - saying that I placed it in front of another girl that night - which is so awkward because I totally did but now we're married so it's sort of too late to say anything.

Anyways, by the time I got off work around midnight - your mom's birthday party was still raging on - but she was not - she had enough and decided to get some rest. I'm guessing she had like a big exercise thing the next morning or something. We texted for a couple of weeks before actually meeting up - and now it's my turn to be embarrassed.

First date ideas? Could I have taken her to dinner? Coffee? Movie? Bowling? LITERALLY ANYTHING? Yes, I could have.

Did I? Nope. Not at all.

I figured the most appropriate first date would be to go pick her up from her apartment in my 1997 Honda Civic and drag her to the house that your Uncle Patrick and I lived in. Proceeded to offer her a beer (she hates beer) and throw on the most classic first-date movie - The Departed - a lovely, light, story about some corrupt Irish law enforcement in south Boston replete with murder and crime. Uncle Patrick had downed several beers by this point in the evening - and he was sitting on the couch opposite us - really keeping the conversation going. It was not awkward and was totally a great idea for a first date.

Can it get better from here? Oh yes, it can! It will legen...wait for it....dary!

As the credits were rolling I mentioned that I was dying for a cigarette. Marlboro's Smooths, of course. Yes, it was a filthy habit but at least the Smooths had that nice minty aftertaste that everyone can enjoy! We stepped into the backyard and under a canopy of stars we sat rocking on a porch swing and bared our souls to one another. I am pretty sure that I killed that entire pack a cigarettes and we sat our there for about 5 hours talking. I cannot recall one word that was said.

After that night I did eventually take her on a real date but then she was going home for the summer for a couple months. We broke up for a month, she flew back out to see me, and then we got married. The wedding was 1,850 days after she got off that plane but I knew it was over that day.

Anyways, that's how I met your mother.

Love always,

Dad

P.S.  Don't you dare smoke. And do not go to strange dude's houses that you don't know.

P.S.S. The napkin is hanging in the house!

P.S.S.S. Baby #1 is kicking around inside Carolyn's belly RIGHT NOW on the couch opposite me. No one knows your name yet, so you are Baby #1.

Listening to: Holocene - Bon Iver

Project 2. Winter is Coming.

Howdy purtners,

This is 10% for you to read. 90% for me to have to sit down and type out.

Today I signed the contract for my second "life project" with my bro at work (the Frazz). We got made fun of today at the coffee shop by some evangelical Christians who prayed loudly in public because they served our espresso's with sparkling water.

That is neither here nor there though. We were talking about the formula to success in owning your own personal development. These are old revelations but basically it boils down to this: throughout your day you have to STOP (not pause, an important distinction) and assess - Why am I doing this? Should I do this? Is there a better thing to do?

Example: you get home from a long day of work - what is your routine?

For years my routine was to shed my work clothes off, lay them over my dresser (with the stacks of other clothes) and pop into some gym shorts in order to comfortably lay on the couch for the next 3-4 hours before its time to go to bed. This was/is a crap routine.

Today: Got home from work appx 6:15pm. Eleven hour day. Pick up a piece of trash that has been on the ground in the garage for about 10 weeks. Stripped down and hung up my pants, shirt in the dry cleaning bag, socks in the hamper. Strapped on the work Nikes (you have to have multiple Nikes for different tasks) and stepped outside to do yard work until the sun went down. Probably went in around 7:15pm or so. Your mom, Wonderwoman, cooked dinner and entertained my diatribe on weak minded people who don't subscribe to Stoicism. I ate quickly and then washed the dishes. Then, relaxed for about 30 minutes - reading some blog online and researching which drone I'm going to buy for our trip to Hong Kong. Tightened up the Nikes (did not switch to the correct functional shoes because I was already sweaty. This is okay, check your Nike protocol handbook) and went out to run 3 miles.

Long story made extra long - I was able to STOP - assess my decisions and take initiative to do the things I "wanted" to do. Isn't it funny how hard it is to do the things we want to do? So bizarre.

So here's the bet - we have to have a body (rated by 3rd parties) that resembles a popular celebrity at the moment and the deadline is December 22nd.

We can both win and/or lose the bet. Here are the stakes:

• $500 to an anti-charity (we choose political figures that we don't support)
• 20 hours of community service (victor's choice - I'm going to have Aaron do something hyper-religious)
• "Stoicism training" (i.e. laying on the ground in a public place, asking for a discount somewhere you know they won't give you one, wearing loud outfits at snobby places - basically just doing things to adorn thicker skin)

Snoozer of a post huh?

Okay. I'll try to save it with some story time. Naturally the protagonist here is going to be Carolyn because she's my whole world right now (you aren't here yet).

I'll regale you with the tale of our first "date".

This is a real gas - your old man has it within him to be something of a Lance Romance.

Not this time though. We just told this story at a double-date last week though and we can barely make it through the story. You probably won't find it as funny because we're just old farts and you can't imagine us being young and in love.

We struggled to meet up - I didn't get a text back the night we met. Next time she was partying at a casino. I don't remember being excessively poor at this point but I was 21 and paying all my own bills and tuition - that doesn't excuse what comes next.

So I invited Carolyn over to "hang out" at my house...

with my brother (Patrick)...

drinking beers (your mom doesn't drink beers, ever)...

watching The Departed (a very intense movie that you have to follow closely to appreciate)...

For reasons unknown, she agreed to this. When I went to pick her up (in my silver, oxidized, 1997 Honda Civic coupe - so dope) her girlfriends took down my license plate since there was a high probability that I was a psychopath. The verdict is still out.

The drive from her place to mine was about 10 minutes - in that time your mother told me that she...

"was, seriously, not that funny"...

"like, not pretty at all"...

"not smart"..

"and not that interesting actually"...

I offered to turn around because I legitimately thought she had changed her mind about hanging out (which, honestly, who could blame her).

Anyways, I don't recall every detail of the evening except that Carolyn always says that Patrick was just talking a bunch and asking questions while the movie played in the background (which, if you're close with Uncle Pat, is unusual because he's usually quite introverted).

This was in mid-April. Eventually, after she had unloaded her beer on me, we ended up sitting outside on the porch swing staring up to the stars and our conversation ebbed and flowed as easily as taking a breath. We sat outside for six hours and laughed and bared our souls to one another. I remember her beautiful long brown hair and big brown eyes. She wore jeans and a turquoise striped v-neck shirt with Vans.

She just emanated kindness and love with all the things she said, and those didn't say. I wish I could remember which words we spoke to each other - what stories we told and which dreams we shared, but alas, what remained was a blur of emotion.

Then we broke up five weeks later. But that's a story for another time. Ask your mom what her least favorite Katy Perry song is.

Don't ask me because I hate them all.

Love always,

Dad

Song of the week: "Free" by Rudimental feat. Emeli Sande 
I mostly just like the part when she sings "c'est la vie" because it is my favorite phrase lately. It's the French version of the Serenity Prayer.

Photo I took in France - sure hope this is still standing

Project 1. Fin.

Hurro,

I'm not going to give a ton of detail here recapping the 4 week experiment because I'm sure its boring as heck.

Strong points: total caffeine fast, sugar fast 6 days a week, woke up at 5:20 everyday (except like twice when that snooze called my name but was still up by 5:40), worked out 75% of committed. Read at least 30min/day on average.

Weak stuff: meditation- meh. Journal - you're looking at it. Meals - eh, 50-75%. Dishes - 50%.

So overall - I failed. Because I would have only been satisfied with 100% success on all topics. That said I think setting the lofty goal led to decent completion ratio and I am certain that I did better than I would have without the goals.

So I was talking to my best work bro - the Frazz - today while I imbibed upon my first cortado in a month. We came to some realizations about the nature of this world that we live in - you're about to be enlightened.

1. Your life is your fault (which is a given)
2. You need to work on controlling yourself - stop floating through life existing
3. You are operating low on the hierarchy of needs and can push yourself higher (self-actualization)
4. Embrace your humanity - we tried to shun vanity and opted for "overall health" because to be vain is to be sinful - that was stupid though. Having six abs can help motivate you and you're going to need all the motivation you can get.

In other news, my job is still whooping my tuckus but progress has been made. Your mother is still a saint of a human being.

Story time:

You won't fully be able to appreciate this because for your entire life you will have watched your mom bend over backwards to take care of you - but I'll take you back to a time long ago. When I bought my first house (which she was not even moving into) something spectacular happened. Carolyn (aka Mom) grew up very well loved and spoiled (but in the best way, you would never know) so when she offered to help out with the home remodeling I was expecting a cute girl to show up and sort-of try, while sort-of being in the way. I was sort-of 168% wrong. She was showing butt crack, busting a sweat, and working harder than a contractor with 20 years of experience. She took initiative and took direction. I have never been more happily surprised with anyone in my life (thus far). I knew I wanted to spend my life with your mother very early on (I told your grandmother I would marry her after 8 months at a Christmas mass) but this was the deal-sealer. She was veracious and beautiful. She worked hard and was playful and had a light spirit.

I love to be wrong about your mother. Don't get me wrong - I think so highly of her that I imagine her resting upon Mount Olympus being hand fed grapes by a lesser goddess. I tell you that to tell you this: do not underestimate the beauty and grace of the woman who you are so blessed to call your mother - because if you do; you're wrong.

So let's recap... was I able to pontificate a worldview that you don't care about and didn't ask for? Check. Did I give advice as a directive to a subordinate that you'll probably ignore? Assuredly. Did I try to show a glimpse of how I love your mother through a time capsule? Sure did.

I did what I came here to do.

Love always,

Dad

Day 8 - Progress/Adjustments

Fart nuggies,

I'm realizing as I update this blog that the only thing more boring than listening to your now-old man pontificate on the wisdom of the ages is to read his diary of self-help mediocrity. But the wheel is turning - so we must press on.

Firstly, I'm not hitting 100% success rate - I blame lack of accountability. No one knows what I'm doing and I have nothing to lose if I fail.

Morning routines - pretty much rocked out but was consistently late on my way out the door (too many dank meme breaks). Also, I hate working out in the morning. It really sucks to strap on shoes and go to 100 degree garage, alone and tired, and I would really prefer to enjoy the golden hours of morning.

For the night-time routines, I have also sucked. I think I hit double meditation twice. Journaled only electronically (including this). Meal preparation I'm 2/2 on and I have read every night. Some nights I read for over 2 hours which is intoxicating (currently reading: Atlas Shrugged - if one of you is named Atlas it will have been a contributing factor). Dishes? Eh. Definitively better, but I think we let them stack one night. Electronics fast has been a big win- I'm sure you'll have cybernetic implants or something and won't be able to separate but it is such a relief if you can. Silence is golden - occasionally I will just sit and think - very strange feeling.

How do I feel though?

Pretty damn good, actually. I can stay up all day without missing a beat (for comparison I would be fully out of commission without re-fueling by about 3pm) am no longer missing caffeine, although I thirst for the taste of coffee from the depths of loins. I've considered dabbling in decaf - which is ironic because I remember scoffing at patrons of P.F. Changs when they would order their stupid decaf coffee thinking it was so pointless.

Meditation wise - loving it. I have reduced my structure significantly and have several 2 minute blocks where I attempt to fade into nothingness. In fact the only thing that has remained constant is the slot for gratitude training. Never a shortage of people/things to be grateful for.

So here's the deal - revamping the schedule just by moving stuff around.

Weekday morning schedule: (note: not allowed to touch your phone until after meditation from now on)

• 5:20 am:         Wake up
• 5:20-5:30 am: Restroom, drink ice water, make bed
• 5:30-5:50 am: Read
• 5:50-6:05 am: Eat breakfast (while reading!) (rice, broc, bean)
• 6:05-6:15 am: Shower, dress
• 6:15-6:25 am: Meditate
• 6:25-6:40 am: Walk the Nixi
• 6:40 am:          Go to work

Weekday evening activities:

• Meditate (10 minutes)
• Journal (5 minutes)
• Meal preparation (if necessary)
• Exercise (minimum of 20 minutes or 2 miles ran)
• All dishes done and put away

Okay stinky-diaper-fillers, signing off because it is my bed time. Don't worry - with no electronics I will make up the 10 minutes or reading time lost (in case you were counting).

Love always,

Dad

P.S. I totally neglected almost everything today because I tried to take my GMAT after studying between 6-10 hours (which is not enough). I did okay but the chances that I have an MBA as I sire you into the world are very slim.

P.S.S. Your uncle Andrew showed up this weekend unexpectedly and we got the crew together to go see your great grandparents. You guys are going to be coming into a great (extended) family.

Song of the week: CROSS MY MIND - A R I Z O N A - It's sort of like Toto Rains in Africa meets modern day pop goodness. Living in AZ gives me a bias as well even though they're from New Jersey.

Your hot mom - no reason. Just because.

On Trying Something (that you know you will fail at)

Dear Kiddos,

I've noticed that as I write these entries I desire to appear indestructible to you. It's easy to write prose on the death of dreams and pretend to have unlimited inspiration and motivation when you look at a snapshot in time. So this time I'm going to mix it up write about something I intend to do but that (for me at least) will feel like a mammoth task.

I don't think I have the fortitude to commit to this for life but want to try a four week sprint - this is my version of living a life of intent, at an elevated level. From diet and substance intake to exercise and meditation. Fasting from electronics and desire.

Daily commitments:

• Caffeine fast (green tea during week 1 if "necessary")
• Electronics/television fast (on weekdays excluding business)
• Sugar fast (except Saturdays)
• Track progress on this experiment
• Eat meals at the table (not in front of TV)

Weekday morning schedule:

• 5:20 am:         Wake up
• 5:20-5:30 am: Restroom, drink ice water, make bed
• 5:30-5:50 am: Exercise
• 5:50-6:05 am: Eat breakfast (rice, vegetable, bean)
• 6:05-6:15 am: Shower, dress
• 6:15-6:25 am: Meditate
• 6:25-6:40 am: Walk the Nixi
• 6:40 am:          Go to work

Weekday evening activities:

• Meditate (10 minutes)
• Journal (5 minutes)
• Meal preparation (if necessary)
• Read (non-work related for 30 minutes)
• All dishes done and put away

Task completion:

• Construct a bucket list for life
• Tidying up completion (through sentimental and then get rid of it)
• Fast (only water) on Sundays - donate approximate food cost to charity
• Construct and organize "to-do list" utilizing 4 quadrants (7 Habits)

So that's what I'm going to try to do for the next 4 weeks. Stop wasting time doing things that don't seem to add much value to life. It's reasonable enough that I won't feel like a martyr but certainly a higher standard than I've grown used to lately. I get horrendous headaches right now on days when I don't have excessive amounts of coffee - not to mention I spend a fortune on it every year. I want to read more and eat healthy food that gives me nutrients like eagle's eggs (ask your uncle Andrew about this sometime). 

I'll let you know how I do - maybe this will be easy and I will do it for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm as weak as I fear and I won't even be able to wake up the first day. Wish me luck.

Love always,

Dad

On the Death of your Dreams

Dear Kiddos,

Okay, the title may be a little depressing. But this is a reality that you will be faced with as you grow up. Did you want to be firefighter? A physicist? A financial advisor? A stylist? Professional athlete? Teacher? Etc.

If you're anything like me you wanted to be a lot of things. Curiosity didn't just kill the cat. It kills the part of your soul that wants to live a lot of different lives and experience everything. I am faced to acknowledge that while I may be able to live a couple of dreams - you have to let go of many of them.

This has been depressing me lately as I fight through my quarter-life crisis. I haven't mastered this yet (obviously) but I think the trick is to be more judicious with what you choose to hold onto and what you allow to die. 

Letting go of dreams that you don't really believe in or that cannot happen will enrich the rest of your life. You won't be forced to live with the fear or guilt about not making those things a reality. And as they fade into the ether of existence you will be able to more fully embrace the life you have. 

On a side note - take big risks on your passions and dreams before you have anything. The more you have to lose, the less likely you will be able to let go of fear and chase down your dreams. And that is precisely what it will feel like. You'll have to bareknuckle brawl a freaking grizzly bear and wrestle an alligator in to submission in a battle royale to the death. That's what it costs to taste your dreams. But once you find the woman of your dreams, have a couple mortgages, a great job with people you enjoy working with, thinking about bringing you nerds into the world ... It becomes almost impossible to take big risks. 

The point of this isn't to make you feel like you can't do the things you want to do but to make sure that you are living a life of intent. Because like your grandfather always says "you have time for anything, just not time for everything". 

So figure out what you want out of this life as best you can (if you don't have the full picture, that's okay! I still don't!) and then chase it down and ride the unicorn into the sunset. And then as you sunsets behind your unicorn steed let the other dreams/ambitions/desires die with dignity. Thank them for their influence on your life and then let them go.

Cheers to the death of dreams!

Love always,

Dad

Fitting photo I suppose

Your Life Is Your Fault

Dear Kiddos,

You are very likely to realize this in stages as you grow up. Lately this thought has been throwing me uppercuts to the chin and speed bagging my yahoos repeatedly.  

Let’s just get out in front of the obvious argument here. You are not in control of anyone else. Shoot, I’m not even really in control of you (although I probably can hold things like rent or whatever over your head as leverage, especially if you’re twelve). You also aren’t in control of your genetic coding or whatever – if you are unhappy about being born ridiculously good-looking and able to eat whatever you want that is your mom’s fault.

Twice in the past two months I’ve been passed up for promotions at work. I have been given some lines about experience and time-in-role and whatnot. Those may be legitimate issues of mine but I’m certain they are not the reason that I didn’t get these jobs. Don’t ever let yourself be a victim. When you get beat out for something, fail a test, or whatever you need to look at yourself in the mirror and answer a simple question – “did I deserve to get beat?”.

I’ll save you a split second of the soul searching – the answer is yes. That’s why you got beat. And that isn’t to say you didn’t do well, or put forth a decent effort. You may even feel that you were a better candidate or that the umpire doesn’t like you because your dad kicked dirt in his cleats last year. Those things might also be true.

But did you do everything you could have? Hell nah.

I’ll try to stop before it gets too obtuse but I’ll give you some examples from my recent experience about things that I could have done differently.

Project work – could have worked on the 18 projects that I have thought of over the past few months at work but pushed off because of uncertainty. They would have distinguished me as a better leader but they didn’t happen so they didn’t.

Personal development – I have been a professional now for 5 years and for the most part have been satisfied to clock in and out for the day job (even though it was sometimes a 60-hour week) and during that time I could have already completed an MBA program and/or my CFP. Instead I spent 4 days acquiring a CRPC that everyone else has. That’s just the obvious stuff that goes on a resume. Who knows what other skills I could have developed?

Networking – I have met a lot of people through the years and have done an average to poor job of nurturing those relationships.

I also probably could have gone to class in college, woken up early, not watched so many Netflix original series, taken less coffee breaks, passed my CFA level 1, volunteered more in the local community, etc.

You get the point.

I was at this absurd mansion this past week attending for a wedding. He opened up his thousand dollar bottles of scotch. There was an umbrella that’s probably bigger than our house. 

What does that guy have that I don’t? Nothing. He’s just a man, and so I am. And so are you (or you’re a woman – but it’s the same. I just don’t feel like differentiating genders all the time. This lesson works for all of us.)

Here’s the real deal squad – suck it up, own your failures, realize that your life is your fault and do something about it.

I can just hear your passive-aggressive voice now “So what are you doing now, dad?”

I'm revamping my daily life and furthering my education of course! Always a good generic answer! I take my GMAT on June 26^th. You’ll know how well I do by what type of house you’re living in. After that we look at MBA programs and whatnot. Who knows what’s next? But I’m taking steps to make myself harder to say no to and that’s what matters most.

Off the soapbox and back to work!

Love always,

Dad

On Keeping Score

Hey turds,

If I have learned anything lately from trying to balance the ledger of my life it's that you simply cannot. 

I think without acknowledging it I've attempted to make sure things have stayed even. You buy me lunch; I'll buy you lunch. You buy this round; I'll get the next one. You spent $100 on my birthday; I'll be sure to match it when it comes around. 

I think that's generally a best practice in meaningless things but there are two major caveats that you should do your best to avoid.

1 - Trying to pay back the un-pay-back-able

You want to repay a parent for the years of butt-wiping and tuition-paying and sleepless nights? You can't. Someone who really helps you out in a time of need? If you're lucky they'll call on you to do the same. Accept these gifts graciously and thank them lavishly. 

My issue with this is that I don't like feeling that I owe anyone anything; but I do. We all do and you can't always do/say/buy things to make it up them and balance your book. Go ahead and try to but don't hold yourself to an impossible standard.

2- Keeping track of what you give

I think this is tricky too. Don't give anything to do anyone unless you are willing to have it be a gift. Unless you have a written contract; prepare for it to be a gift. You'll probably buy a lot of meals and coffees for people that will "get you back". They won't and that's okay. When you give you should do so liberally and without conditions. Hopefully if you're in trouble someone will be there to do the same for you. 

I'm terrible at this life lesson at this point for the record; but I'm working on it. We'll see how I'm doing by the time you guys are running around. 

Love always,

Dad

On Planning a Trip

Hey kiddos,

I thought this might be interesting to write about because it should apply to any trip you take and what is life if not one (hopefully long) journey.

Your mom and I are reading to go to Japan and Hawaii for two weeks at the beginning of next month and in doing so we are faced with a lot of good questions about the right way to plan (or not plan) our travels. I generally think there are two basic ways to do this and then the continuum between them comprises the way in which they actually get completed.

First way - buy the ticket and take the trip. Arguments for this mentality would be that each journey is truly unique and you will experience the place you're visiting unlike anyone else. Last time I traveled with a friend to Japan he kept reminding me that "as long as you have your credit card and passport; you're good".

Second way - plan everything down to the last detail. The flights, the climate, the hotels, the restaurants, the landmarks, the trains, the walk times. Everything. Biggest positive to this way of traveling is you'll feel like you're maximizing the trip.

I just realized the other day that this trip is going to cost me about twice as much as my first car. When you are as stingy as me and throw down that sort of money you want to make sure you're juicing every moment of enjoyment out of the trip.

So what's the right way? You know who you are; so do what feels right to you. I'll try to leave some gaps for spontaneity to appease your mother but I know that I won't enjoy myself as much without a plan.

Anyways, as you journey through life just figure out what you're doing and live with intention.

Love always,

Dad

P.S. because I'm an energizer bunny when traveling I'll be waking up 2 hours early to explore and then going back to pick up your mother for the rest of the days while we travel. That way she can sleep in and I can wear myself out so I won't be as annoying while we're together. And that's how you make a marriage work. Boom goes the dynamite.

On Mindfulness Meditation

Dear kiddos,

I have been practicing mindfulness meditation for the past few months. I feel like someone introduced me to a version of this via Catholic faith practices but hearing it from the more secular view has somehow proven to be different (and then later the same).

What is it?

Mostly it’s just sitting and thinking. There is a lot of breathing exercises and focusing on the minute sensations that your body feels. There are some amazing (free) apps for the iPhone called “Calm” and “Headspace” that I found particularly helpful when I started.

Initially, I really enjoyed the guided meditations where someone leads you through what you should be thinking about and focusing on. Lately, I have been setting up to listen to basic soundscapes with a bell going off in the background once every two minutes.

I’ll start by taking large, deep breaths and think “in” and “out” coinciding with the direction of the breath. Then I’ll go through a body scan and focus in on all the things you usually wouldn’t recognize. Next is my favorite part; gratitude training. I think I already wrote about achievement and fulfillment but have been led to believe that you cannot live in a negative place when you are conscientiously grateful for all that you have. So for 2 minutes I say “thank you” to the powers that be for all the gifts of my life. I run out of time every day.

I always start thanking my lucky stars for your mother but the rest can go anywhere. Today I thanked the Creator for having fully functioning senses (taste, touch, sight, hearing, and smell) and then made my way through my family. Yesterday I was thinking of my friends and the day before I was thankful for my troublesome employees for making me better at my job and helping me to grow. I imagine I could spend a day being grateful if I was smart enough to realize all the blessings I have. I couldn’t help but notice that this feels an awful lot like the prayers I grew up with by the way. 

The last two minutes is just counting to ten and then starting over (over and over again). Just a way to wind down the practice.

I’m sure there are better ways to do this and I’ll continue to sort out the details as time goes on but I would highly recommend incorporating this into your daily routine.

How does it feel?

Amazing. But do it for a month to feel full effects.

Love always,

Dad

Song of the week? Leave a Trace by Chvrches

your parents - very grateful for you even though you aren't here yet

On Living a Life of Intent

Hey kiddos,

This past week has been a blast. Been trying to work on some things regarding time and life management and will possibly develop them in a more formal process in the future. I just wanted to give you some background on the stuff that has been hitting me lately and see if I can’t help you on the learning curve.

One of my cousins was talking to me about their attempt to join the Navy SEALs, which is known the be the most amazing fighting force on the planet. He was talking about how his perspective on life has changed since they had to crawl through mud while vomiting and pooping their pants. I guess experiencing that sort of event turns down the volume on everything else. He suggested that I do the same and quote someone (don’t recall who said it) that being smart is learning from your own experience but being wise is learning from someone else’s.

Anyways, I was listening to this podcast where Tim Ferriss interviews Tony Robins (look them up on Wikipedia for 2 minutes) and there was a conversation regarding the difference between achievement and fulfillment and how the latter is the one to be sought after. They give some striking examples but one thing that stuck out to me was how gratitude, in practice, is the opposite of fear and anger. If you’re truly being grateful for the things you have it’s impossible to live in a negative state. I’m sure there is loads of deep philosophical thought on what you can be grateful for and comparing your station in life to those less fortunate, etc. but if you’re reading this; you have plenty to be grateful for.

So what’s my tip for the week?

1. Organize your life – prioritize the way that you spend your time and money and make sure that what you think is the most important is reflecting with your monetary and time budget. For instance, if you have a relationship you care about and you don’t spend time out on dates or listening to stories (your mother can tell a freaking story) and you do spend time watching television/Netflix/etc. then it’s time to make a change.
2. Have a process – it becomes very easy to break down where things are falling apart in your life if you’re following a process. I like to compare this to dietary issues. Everyone is on a diet (meaning everyone eats some food) but most people’s diets are called “chaos” and consist of just eating whatever you want, whenever you want.
3. Details matter – plan your mornings and evenings down to the minute. I use 5-minute increments to plan what my schedule looks like and I have found it extremely liberating. There is less time to think and decide so you are forced into action. 

Anyways, these posts are morphing into a self-help column so I’ll try to control myself with the next blog and talk about something else but the truth is if you aren’t improving then you’re already dead.

Have a great rest of the day.

Love always,

Dad

Just a Little Nugget; One Year Later

Dear kiddos,

Walking with my friend today outside a Whole Foods (it’s this grocery store where everything is the same but costs twice as much) I blacked out and said something that was quasi-profound by accident. My realization was there are only three things you should concern yourself with in this life.  

1. How are you spending your time?
2. How are you treating your body?
3. How are you spending your money?

I’ll start with the last item on the list. Money.

I’m constantly baffled as I waste away in my cubicle (even though I really do like what I do) that a third of my time on this planet will be spent asleep and another third will be spent inside the four walls of my office building. So even though “money doesn’t buy happiness” it certainly seems like it covers paying the mortgage/phone bill/etc. and because it’s so darn efficient at those things I’m forced to trade in 9 or 10 hours a weekday to chase it down. Just remember that you are trading your time for your money; so make it count.

Next, the bod.

You’ll only get one. And whether you’re born with a “perfect” or irregular body you better get used to loving the one you got. A recent sensation of the 21^st century has brought about the positive body image movement which has been mostly a good thing. Please, for the love of God, don’t be a “fitness chick/bro” and don’t post those photos of Marilyn Monroe saying how modern conceptions of beauty are so out of touch and she was such a sex symbol…blah…blah…blah.

Life is balance. Take care of your body. Run a little, do some push-ups, drink plenty of water, and eat a healthy diet (aka vegetables). Everyone is on a “diet” but most people are on one called “chaos”. This part of your life has to be prioritized otherwise it gets totally ignored. You’ll add years to your life and feel amazing.

PSA: if you do have a nice body, you do not NEED to post it on the internet (or whatever you’re calling it now). In fact, I would strongly encourage you not to.

Lastly, your time.

The only thing you can’t get back. This you have to figure out for yourself.

Good luck.

Love always,

Dad

On Sadness

Hey Kiddo,

Surely you didn't believe it was all sunshine and rainbows, right?

Sometimes I wish it was but in moments of clarity I feel a deep appreciation for the dark times. You cannot know light without darkness.

I don't have any recollection of the first time I savored sadness but I can remember the moment felt profound. The empty feeling in the pit of your heart, that burns in your chest when you are alone, is to be cherished. It's how you know you're alive, that you're walking through the valley and that you will come out of it. If you get cut your body activates some system of macrophages/antibodies/whatever and your skin grows back stronger, thicker, and more impervious to pain. I think your heart works the same way.

I don't have advice for getting rid of sadness, it will leave you once it's done teaching it's lesson. My counsel is to embrace it when it comes but be sure to let it pass and allow the void it leaves to become more full of love than ever.

Here is a kick in the pants.We are flying through the universe at incredible speeds on a speck of dust and according to the conventional science (of today) this planet will die from heat death in 5 billion years when the sun envelops the Earth as our sun expands and dies itself. That should make you feel small and at the same time larger than life (literally). You are here and conscious, you can transcend space and time with your thinking mind.

You are precious and you have worth. If you don't feel like you have anything to live for then you should live for others, there is no greater purpose.

Don't be afraid to dig deeper and surprise yourself with your own fortitude. Or you can lean on your old man and I'll lend you what's left of mine.

Love always,

Dad

P.S. I'm not a believer in the whole "there are people less fortunate, you should feel bad" philosophy, all that ever did was make me feel guilty. It is your duty and honor to help those who aren't as well off as you but their trials don't diminish yours. Revel in your humanity and do what you can to breathe life into your sphere of influence.

Picture I took tonight thinking about this

On Happiness

Dear Kiddo,

There is no light without darkness and the ephemeral nature of happiness seems to constantly leave you yearning for more. I’m hopeful that you weren’t all born as cynical bastards, like your pops, but if you were maybe this will help. 

This life will be what you make of it. For years I used to quote the movie “Office Space” (available on VHS, you’ll have to look that up) when people asked how I was doing and say that “today is the new worst day of my life.” I used to (and still do when I’m being simple minded) look to things to make me happy. New clothes, new toys, new video games, new hobbies (never mastered). Let me save you some time… things do not make you happy. You make you happy. 

That’s it. You get to decide. That’s the big secret. It’s not easy to decide everyday but every time you open your eyes you are blessed to be offered that decision.

Reading my first attempt at this novel/blog I was reminded that I gave a couple tear-wrenching dialogues to people when I was 21 about how I finally let go of trying to become my brother or my father and for the first time in my life I was finally, definitively, decidedly, happy. It’s not that I’m a great speaker, by the way, I just happened to say something true and people can always feel sincerity. But I think they were moved to tears because they could feel that revelation resonating within themselves. Who doesn’t want to feel comfortable in their own skin? Now when people ask me how I’m doing I tell them the truth.

Living the dream.

Not convinced? That’s okay. I’m not much of poet despite my best efforts. Good news for you though, you little cynic.


Happiness can be synthetic. There is no scientifically measurable difference between people who are “really” happy and those who chose to be (a.k.a. fake it ‘til you make it!). Here is a link to a TedTalk by Dan Gilbert, probably a better explanation than the one I tried to give. 

Next time you are walking alone do me a favor and just bust out in laughter. Life is beautiful, we live in a wonderful world filled with miraculous people (even when there is a storm raging in your life). If you think you have nothing to be happy about you’re wrong. You get to be you and that is the perfect thing to be.


Love always,

Dad