Your Life Is Your Fault

Dear Kiddos,

You are very likely to realize this in stages as you grow up. Lately this thought has been throwing me uppercuts to the chin and speed bagging my yahoos repeatedly.  

Let’s just get out in front of the obvious argument here. You are not in control of anyone else. Shoot, I’m not even really in control of you (although I probably can hold things like rent or whatever over your head as leverage, especially if you’re twelve). You also aren’t in control of your genetic coding or whatever – if you are unhappy about being born ridiculously good-looking and able to eat whatever you want that is your mom’s fault.

Twice in the past two months I’ve been passed up for promotions at work. I have been given some lines about experience and time-in-role and whatnot. Those may be legitimate issues of mine but I’m certain they are not the reason that I didn’t get these jobs. Don’t ever let yourself be a victim. When you get beat out for something, fail a test, or whatever you need to look at yourself in the mirror and answer a simple question – “did I deserve to get beat?”.

I’ll save you a split second of the soul searching – the answer is yes. That’s why you got beat. And that isn’t to say you didn’t do well, or put forth a decent effort. You may even feel that you were a better candidate or that the umpire doesn’t like you because your dad kicked dirt in his cleats last year. Those things might also be true.

But did you do everything you could have? Hell nah.

I’ll try to stop before it gets too obtuse but I’ll give you some examples from my recent experience about things that I could have done differently.

Project work – could have worked on the 18 projects that I have thought of over the past few months at work but pushed off because of uncertainty. They would have distinguished me as a better leader but they didn’t happen so they didn’t.

Personal development – I have been a professional now for 5 years and for the most part have been satisfied to clock in and out for the day job (even though it was sometimes a 60-hour week) and during that time I could have already completed an MBA program and/or my CFP. Instead I spent 4 days acquiring a CRPC that everyone else has. That’s just the obvious stuff that goes on a resume. Who knows what other skills I could have developed?

Networking – I have met a lot of people through the years and have done an average to poor job of nurturing those relationships.

I also probably could have gone to class in college, woken up early, not watched so many Netflix original series, taken less coffee breaks, passed my CFA level 1, volunteered more in the local community, etc.

You get the point.

I was at this absurd mansion this past week attending for a wedding. He opened up his thousand dollar bottles of scotch. There was an umbrella that’s probably bigger than our house. 

What does that guy have that I don’t? Nothing. He’s just a man, and so I am. And so are you (or you’re a woman – but it’s the same. I just don’t feel like differentiating genders all the time. This lesson works for all of us.)

Here’s the real deal squad – suck it up, own your failures, realize that your life is your fault and do something about it.

I can just hear your passive-aggressive voice now “So what are you doing now, dad?”

I'm revamping my daily life and furthering my education of course! Always a good generic answer! I take my GMAT on June 26^th. You’ll know how well I do by what type of house you’re living in. After that we look at MBA programs and whatnot. Who knows what’s next? But I’m taking steps to make myself harder to say no to and that’s what matters most.

Off the soapbox and back to work!

Love always,

Dad

On Keeping Score

Hey turds,

If I have learned anything lately from trying to balance the ledger of my life it's that you simply cannot. 

I think without acknowledging it I've attempted to make sure things have stayed even. You buy me lunch; I'll buy you lunch. You buy this round; I'll get the next one. You spent $100 on my birthday; I'll be sure to match it when it comes around. 

I think that's generally a best practice in meaningless things but there are two major caveats that you should do your best to avoid.

1 - Trying to pay back the un-pay-back-able

You want to repay a parent for the years of butt-wiping and tuition-paying and sleepless nights? You can't. Someone who really helps you out in a time of need? If you're lucky they'll call on you to do the same. Accept these gifts graciously and thank them lavishly. 

My issue with this is that I don't like feeling that I owe anyone anything; but I do. We all do and you can't always do/say/buy things to make it up them and balance your book. Go ahead and try to but don't hold yourself to an impossible standard.

2- Keeping track of what you give

I think this is tricky too. Don't give anything to do anyone unless you are willing to have it be a gift. Unless you have a written contract; prepare for it to be a gift. You'll probably buy a lot of meals and coffees for people that will "get you back". They won't and that's okay. When you give you should do so liberally and without conditions. Hopefully if you're in trouble someone will be there to do the same for you. 

I'm terrible at this life lesson at this point for the record; but I'm working on it. We'll see how I'm doing by the time you guys are running around. 

Love always,

Dad

On Planning a Trip

Hey kiddos,

I thought this might be interesting to write about because it should apply to any trip you take and what is life if not one (hopefully long) journey.

Your mom and I are reading to go to Japan and Hawaii for two weeks at the beginning of next month and in doing so we are faced with a lot of good questions about the right way to plan (or not plan) our travels. I generally think there are two basic ways to do this and then the continuum between them comprises the way in which they actually get completed.

First way - buy the ticket and take the trip. Arguments for this mentality would be that each journey is truly unique and you will experience the place you're visiting unlike anyone else. Last time I traveled with a friend to Japan he kept reminding me that "as long as you have your credit card and passport; you're good".

Second way - plan everything down to the last detail. The flights, the climate, the hotels, the restaurants, the landmarks, the trains, the walk times. Everything. Biggest positive to this way of traveling is you'll feel like you're maximizing the trip.

I just realized the other day that this trip is going to cost me about twice as much as my first car. When you are as stingy as me and throw down that sort of money you want to make sure you're juicing every moment of enjoyment out of the trip.

So what's the right way? You know who you are; so do what feels right to you. I'll try to leave some gaps for spontaneity to appease your mother but I know that I won't enjoy myself as much without a plan.

Anyways, as you journey through life just figure out what you're doing and live with intention.

Love always,

Dad

P.S. because I'm an energizer bunny when traveling I'll be waking up 2 hours early to explore and then going back to pick up your mother for the rest of the days while we travel. That way she can sleep in and I can wear myself out so I won't be as annoying while we're together. And that's how you make a marriage work. Boom goes the dynamite.

Just a Little Nugget; One Year Later

Dear kiddos,

Walking with my friend today outside a Whole Foods (it’s this grocery store where everything is the same but costs twice as much) I blacked out and said something that was quasi-profound by accident. My realization was there are only three things you should concern yourself with in this life.  

1. How are you spending your time?
2. How are you treating your body?
3. How are you spending your money?

I’ll start with the last item on the list. Money.

I’m constantly baffled as I waste away in my cubicle (even though I really do like what I do) that a third of my time on this planet will be spent asleep and another third will be spent inside the four walls of my office building. So even though “money doesn’t buy happiness” it certainly seems like it covers paying the mortgage/phone bill/etc. and because it’s so darn efficient at those things I’m forced to trade in 9 or 10 hours a weekday to chase it down. Just remember that you are trading your time for your money; so make it count.

Next, the bod.

You’ll only get one. And whether you’re born with a “perfect” or irregular body you better get used to loving the one you got. A recent sensation of the 21^st century has brought about the positive body image movement which has been mostly a good thing. Please, for the love of God, don’t be a “fitness chick/bro” and don’t post those photos of Marilyn Monroe saying how modern conceptions of beauty are so out of touch and she was such a sex symbol…blah…blah…blah.

Life is balance. Take care of your body. Run a little, do some push-ups, drink plenty of water, and eat a healthy diet (aka vegetables). Everyone is on a “diet” but most people are on one called “chaos”. This part of your life has to be prioritized otherwise it gets totally ignored. You’ll add years to your life and feel amazing.

PSA: if you do have a nice body, you do not NEED to post it on the internet (or whatever you’re calling it now). In fact, I would strongly encourage you not to.

Lastly, your time.

The only thing you can’t get back. This you have to figure out for yourself.

Good luck.

Love always,

Dad