Hey sweet cheeks,
Always hard to try to be there for someone on a sad day. I've never been very good at it because I always thought I was supposed to do something to make you feel better or say something that would help to fix the problem. I'm learning that probably isn't the right method - I think the right move is is probably to listen and love you endlessly.
Please give me a call (or just come home from school I guess since you probably live with me) so I can listen to you - I might try to fix your problems because my heart will break for you and I'll want to make you all better - but you can remind me to be quite and listen.
Loving you is easy to do. You are currently doing yoga in your mommy's belly - she can't sleep very well but she forgives you already because you're so sweet.
You've answered so many questions for me that I've carried along for so long. I always wondered if you had to earn someone's love. I suppose I should have learned the answer to that from my parents but naturally (and unfortunately) you have to learn some things on your own. The reason I know you don't need to earn love is because you were the size of a poppy seed when I fell in love with you.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you. You are my infinite love. Your heart started beating 22 days after you were conceived and about a week after I found out you were coming to join us. After nearly thirty years of searching for a purpose in life you illuminated mine for me in an instant.
You are a miracle - I was just holding your space
I love you to the moon and back and bigger than a bigraffe.
Love always,
Dad
P.S. I didn't think of the miracle line - it's from a sad song that sort of stinks so I was torn on quoting it but also didn't want to steal credit.
Showing posts with label thanking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thanking. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
Wednesday, July 11, 2018
How I Met Your Mother
Hiya buddy,
Where to begin? I was thinking about trying to memorialize our little story since that's sort of where you came from and you're the next chapter. I was also thinking about flexing this little post into some awkward dating advice from your father that you don't want to listen to. Maybe another time.
So the night we met - a Friday night in April. It's about 90 degrees outside as I hop off my 1970's Schwin Le Tour that I had scored online a few months back. The sun is setting as I'm rolling down my right pant leg and strapping on my apron and walking into PF Changs China Bistro in Tempe for another Friday closing shift. A few hours into the shift I'm walking out of the kitchen as my boss gives me the point and wink and says "you're welcome". I look up and see your mother strolling past as she goes past to be sat at table 25.
I assume that you have some concept of what she looks like - but you weren't there that night so I will help. As she walks past me she doesn't make eye contact. This is either because she is too classy or because her heel game is so on point it requires 100% focus to make it to the table standing. Her hair falls down around her face in loose curls past her bare shoulders. As I caught the gaze of her deep brown eyes I had no clue that those would be the eyes I would lose myself in everyday for the rest of my life. And her smile, you guys, I know she still smiles so you know what I'm talking about, but damn. Frankly, her dress should have been about six inches longer - I saw it years later and thought it was a t-shirt. In any event,whatever she was doing that night, it was working.
She was with a few girlfriends and they were taking her out for her 20th birthday. I remember what she ordered that night (chicken lettuce wraps, honey shrimp, honey chicken, and candied walnut shrimp) and she claims that I didn't mix her Chang's sauce (I did, but whatever). After dragging Uncle Andrew to the table to do our twin routine the group dropped a hint about us hanging out later and celebrating her birthday with them. Before the girls left I worked up the courage to scribble down my phone number on a napkin and take it out with some free desserts - I had never done this before and thought that I would go to prison for sexual harassment. Her memory gets fuzzy on this as well - saying that I placed it in front of another girl that night - which is so awkward because I totally did but now we're married so it's sort of too late to say anything.
Anyways, by the time I got off work around midnight - your mom's birthday party was still raging on - but she was not - she had enough and decided to get some rest. I'm guessing she had like a big exercise thing the next morning or something. We texted for a couple of weeks before actually meeting up - and now it's my turn to be embarrassed.
First date ideas? Could I have taken her to dinner? Coffee? Movie? Bowling? LITERALLY ANYTHING? Yes, I could have.
Did I? Nope. Not at all.
I figured the most appropriate first date would be to go pick her up from her apartment in my 1997 Honda Civic and drag her to the house that your Uncle Patrick and I lived in. Proceeded to offer her a beer (she hates beer) and throw on the most classic first-date movie - The Departed - a lovely, light, story about some corrupt Irish law enforcement in south Boston replete with murder and crime. Uncle Patrick had downed several beers by this point in the evening - and he was sitting on the couch opposite us - really keeping the conversation going. It was not awkward and was totally a great idea for a first date.
Can it get better from here? Oh yes, it can! It will legen...wait for it....dary!
As the credits were rolling I mentioned that I was dying for a cigarette. Marlboro's Smooths, of course. Yes, it was a filthy habit but at least the Smooths had that nice minty aftertaste that everyone can enjoy! We stepped into the backyard and under a canopy of stars we sat rocking on a porch swing and bared our souls to one another. I am pretty sure that I killed that entire pack a cigarettes and we sat our there for about 5 hours talking. I cannot recall one word that was said.
After that night I did eventually take her on a real date but then she was going home for the summer for a couple months. We broke up for a month, she flew back out to see me, and then we got married. The wedding was 1,850 days after she got off that plane but I knew it was over that day.
Anyways, that's how I met your mother.
Love always,
Dad
P.S. Don't you dare smoke. And do not go to strange dude's houses that you don't know.
P.S.S. The napkin is hanging in the house!
P.S.S.S. Baby #1 is kicking around inside Carolyn's belly RIGHT NOW on the couch opposite me. No one knows your name yet, so you are Baby #1.
Where to begin? I was thinking about trying to memorialize our little story since that's sort of where you came from and you're the next chapter. I was also thinking about flexing this little post into some awkward dating advice from your father that you don't want to listen to. Maybe another time.
So the night we met - a Friday night in April. It's about 90 degrees outside as I hop off my 1970's Schwin Le Tour that I had scored online a few months back. The sun is setting as I'm rolling down my right pant leg and strapping on my apron and walking into PF Changs China Bistro in Tempe for another Friday closing shift. A few hours into the shift I'm walking out of the kitchen as my boss gives me the point and wink and says "you're welcome". I look up and see your mother strolling past as she goes past to be sat at table 25.
I assume that you have some concept of what she looks like - but you weren't there that night so I will help. As she walks past me she doesn't make eye contact. This is either because she is too classy or because her heel game is so on point it requires 100% focus to make it to the table standing. Her hair falls down around her face in loose curls past her bare shoulders. As I caught the gaze of her deep brown eyes I had no clue that those would be the eyes I would lose myself in everyday for the rest of my life. And her smile, you guys, I know she still smiles so you know what I'm talking about, but damn. Frankly, her dress should have been about six inches longer - I saw it years later and thought it was a t-shirt. In any event,whatever she was doing that night, it was working.
She was with a few girlfriends and they were taking her out for her 20th birthday. I remember what she ordered that night (chicken lettuce wraps, honey shrimp, honey chicken, and candied walnut shrimp) and she claims that I didn't mix her Chang's sauce (I did, but whatever). After dragging Uncle Andrew to the table to do our twin routine the group dropped a hint about us hanging out later and celebrating her birthday with them. Before the girls left I worked up the courage to scribble down my phone number on a napkin and take it out with some free desserts - I had never done this before and thought that I would go to prison for sexual harassment. Her memory gets fuzzy on this as well - saying that I placed it in front of another girl that night - which is so awkward because I totally did but now we're married so it's sort of too late to say anything.
Anyways, by the time I got off work around midnight - your mom's birthday party was still raging on - but she was not - she had enough and decided to get some rest. I'm guessing she had like a big exercise thing the next morning or something. We texted for a couple of weeks before actually meeting up - and now it's my turn to be embarrassed.
First date ideas? Could I have taken her to dinner? Coffee? Movie? Bowling? LITERALLY ANYTHING? Yes, I could have.
Did I? Nope. Not at all.
I figured the most appropriate first date would be to go pick her up from her apartment in my 1997 Honda Civic and drag her to the house that your Uncle Patrick and I lived in. Proceeded to offer her a beer (she hates beer) and throw on the most classic first-date movie - The Departed - a lovely, light, story about some corrupt Irish law enforcement in south Boston replete with murder and crime. Uncle Patrick had downed several beers by this point in the evening - and he was sitting on the couch opposite us - really keeping the conversation going. It was not awkward and was totally a great idea for a first date.
Can it get better from here? Oh yes, it can! It will legen...wait for it....dary!
As the credits were rolling I mentioned that I was dying for a cigarette. Marlboro's Smooths, of course. Yes, it was a filthy habit but at least the Smooths had that nice minty aftertaste that everyone can enjoy! We stepped into the backyard and under a canopy of stars we sat rocking on a porch swing and bared our souls to one another. I am pretty sure that I killed that entire pack a cigarettes and we sat our there for about 5 hours talking. I cannot recall one word that was said.
After that night I did eventually take her on a real date but then she was going home for the summer for a couple months. We broke up for a month, she flew back out to see me, and then we got married. The wedding was 1,850 days after she got off that plane but I knew it was over that day.
Anyways, that's how I met your mother.
Love always,
Dad
P.S. Don't you dare smoke. And do not go to strange dude's houses that you don't know.
P.S.S. The napkin is hanging in the house!
P.S.S.S. Baby #1 is kicking around inside Carolyn's belly RIGHT NOW on the couch opposite me. No one knows your name yet, so you are Baby #1.
Listening to: Holocene - Bon Iver
Monday, September 11, 2017
Project 1. Fin.
Hurro,
I'm not going to give a ton of detail here recapping the 4 week experiment because I'm sure its boring as heck.
Strong points: total caffeine fast, sugar fast 6 days a week, woke up at 5:20 everyday (except like twice when that snooze called my name but was still up by 5:40), worked out 75% of committed. Read at least 30min/day on average.
Weak stuff: meditation- meh. Journal - you're looking at it. Meals - eh, 50-75%. Dishes - 50%.
So overall - I failed. Because I would have only been satisfied with 100% success on all topics. That said I think setting the lofty goal led to decent completion ratio and I am certain that I did better than I would have without the goals.
So I was talking to my best work bro - the Frazz - today while I imbibed upon my first cortado in a month. We came to some realizations about the nature of this world that we live in - you're about to be enlightened.
1. Your life is your fault (which is a given)
2. You need to work on controlling yourself - stop floating through life existing
3. You are operating low on the hierarchy of needs and can push yourself higher (self-actualization)
4. Embrace your humanity - we tried to shun vanity and opted for "overall health" because to be vain is to be sinful - that was stupid though. Having six abs can help motivate you and you're going to need all the motivation you can get.
In other news, my job is still whooping my tuckus but progress has been made. Your mother is still a saint of a human being.
Story time:
You won't fully be able to appreciate this because for your entire life you will have watched your mom bend over backwards to take care of you - but I'll take you back to a time long ago. When I bought my first house (which she was not even moving into) something spectacular happened. Carolyn (aka Mom) grew up very well loved and spoiled (but in the best way, you would never know) so when she offered to help out with the home remodeling I was expecting a cute girl to show up and sort-of try, while sort-of being in the way. I was sort-of 168% wrong. She was showing butt crack, busting a sweat, and working harder than a contractor with 20 years of experience. She took initiative and took direction. I have never been more happily surprised with anyone in my life (thus far). I knew I wanted to spend my life with your mother very early on (I told your grandmother I would marry her after 8 months at a Christmas mass) but this was the deal-sealer. She was veracious and beautiful. She worked hard and was playful and had a light spirit.
I love to be wrong about your mother. Don't get me wrong - I think so highly of her that I imagine her resting upon Mount Olympus being hand fed grapes by a lesser goddess. I tell you that to tell you this: do not underestimate the beauty and grace of the woman who you are so blessed to call your mother - because if you do; you're wrong.
So let's recap... was I able to pontificate a worldview that you don't care about and didn't ask for? Check. Did I give advice as a directive to a subordinate that you'll probably ignore? Assuredly. Did I try to show a glimpse of how I love your mother through a time capsule? Sure did.
I did what I came here to do.
Love always,
Dad
I'm not going to give a ton of detail here recapping the 4 week experiment because I'm sure its boring as heck.
Strong points: total caffeine fast, sugar fast 6 days a week, woke up at 5:20 everyday (except like twice when that snooze called my name but was still up by 5:40), worked out 75% of committed. Read at least 30min/day on average.
Weak stuff: meditation- meh. Journal - you're looking at it. Meals - eh, 50-75%. Dishes - 50%.
So overall - I failed. Because I would have only been satisfied with 100% success on all topics. That said I think setting the lofty goal led to decent completion ratio and I am certain that I did better than I would have without the goals.
So I was talking to my best work bro - the Frazz - today while I imbibed upon my first cortado in a month. We came to some realizations about the nature of this world that we live in - you're about to be enlightened.
1. Your life is your fault (which is a given)
2. You need to work on controlling yourself - stop floating through life existing
3. You are operating low on the hierarchy of needs and can push yourself higher (self-actualization)
4. Embrace your humanity - we tried to shun vanity and opted for "overall health" because to be vain is to be sinful - that was stupid though. Having six abs can help motivate you and you're going to need all the motivation you can get.
In other news, my job is still whooping my tuckus but progress has been made. Your mother is still a saint of a human being.
Story time:
You won't fully be able to appreciate this because for your entire life you will have watched your mom bend over backwards to take care of you - but I'll take you back to a time long ago. When I bought my first house (which she was not even moving into) something spectacular happened. Carolyn (aka Mom) grew up very well loved and spoiled (but in the best way, you would never know) so when she offered to help out with the home remodeling I was expecting a cute girl to show up and sort-of try, while sort-of being in the way. I was sort-of 168% wrong. She was showing butt crack, busting a sweat, and working harder than a contractor with 20 years of experience. She took initiative and took direction. I have never been more happily surprised with anyone in my life (thus far). I knew I wanted to spend my life with your mother very early on (I told your grandmother I would marry her after 8 months at a Christmas mass) but this was the deal-sealer. She was veracious and beautiful. She worked hard and was playful and had a light spirit.
I love to be wrong about your mother. Don't get me wrong - I think so highly of her that I imagine her resting upon Mount Olympus being hand fed grapes by a lesser goddess. I tell you that to tell you this: do not underestimate the beauty and grace of the woman who you are so blessed to call your mother - because if you do; you're wrong.
So let's recap... was I able to pontificate a worldview that you don't care about and didn't ask for? Check. Did I give advice as a directive to a subordinate that you'll probably ignore? Assuredly. Did I try to show a glimpse of how I love your mother through a time capsule? Sure did.
I did what I came here to do.
Love always,
Dad
Sunday, September 18, 2016
On Keeping Score
Hey turds,
If I have learned anything lately from trying to balance the ledger of my life it's that you simply cannot.
I think without acknowledging it I've attempted to make sure things have stayed even. You buy me lunch; I'll buy you lunch. You buy this round; I'll get the next one. You spent $100 on my birthday; I'll be sure to match it when it comes around.
I think that's generally a best practice in meaningless things but there are two major caveats that you should do your best to avoid.
1 - Trying to pay back the un-pay-back-able
You want to repay a parent for the years of butt-wiping and tuition-paying and sleepless nights? You can't. Someone who really helps you out in a time of need? If you're lucky they'll call on you to do the same. Accept these gifts graciously and thank them lavishly.
My issue with this is that I don't like feeling that I owe anyone anything; but I do. We all do and you can't always do/say/buy things to make it up them and balance your book. Go ahead and try to but don't hold yourself to an impossible standard.
2- Keeping track of what you give
I think this is tricky too. Don't give anything to do anyone unless you are willing to have it be a gift. Unless you have a written contract; prepare for it to be a gift. You'll probably buy a lot of meals and coffees for people that will "get you back". They won't and that's okay. When you give you should do so liberally and without conditions. Hopefully if you're in trouble someone will be there to do the same for you.
I'm terrible at this life lesson at this point for the record; but I'm working on it. We'll see how I'm doing by the time you guys are running around.
Love always,
Dad
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