Project 2. Winter is Coming.

Howdy purtners,

This is 10% for you to read. 90% for me to have to sit down and type out.

Today I signed the contract for my second "life project" with my bro at work (the Frazz). We got made fun of today at the coffee shop by some evangelical Christians who prayed loudly in public because they served our espresso's with sparkling water.

That is neither here nor there though. We were talking about the formula to success in owning your own personal development. These are old revelations but basically it boils down to this: throughout your day you have to STOP (not pause, an important distinction) and assess - Why am I doing this? Should I do this? Is there a better thing to do?

Example: you get home from a long day of work - what is your routine?

For years my routine was to shed my work clothes off, lay them over my dresser (with the stacks of other clothes) and pop into some gym shorts in order to comfortably lay on the couch for the next 3-4 hours before its time to go to bed. This was/is a crap routine.

Today: Got home from work appx 6:15pm. Eleven hour day. Pick up a piece of trash that has been on the ground in the garage for about 10 weeks. Stripped down and hung up my pants, shirt in the dry cleaning bag, socks in the hamper. Strapped on the work Nikes (you have to have multiple Nikes for different tasks) and stepped outside to do yard work until the sun went down. Probably went in around 7:15pm or so. Your mom, Wonderwoman, cooked dinner and entertained my diatribe on weak minded people who don't subscribe to Stoicism. I ate quickly and then washed the dishes. Then, relaxed for about 30 minutes - reading some blog online and researching which drone I'm going to buy for our trip to Hong Kong. Tightened up the Nikes (did not switch to the correct functional shoes because I was already sweaty. This is okay, check your Nike protocol handbook) and went out to run 3 miles.

Long story made extra long - I was able to STOP - assess my decisions and take initiative to do the things I "wanted" to do. Isn't it funny how hard it is to do the things we want to do? So bizarre.

So here's the bet - we have to have a body (rated by 3rd parties) that resembles a popular celebrity at the moment and the deadline is December 22nd.

We can both win and/or lose the bet. Here are the stakes:

• $500 to an anti-charity (we choose political figures that we don't support)
• 20 hours of community service (victor's choice - I'm going to have Aaron do something hyper-religious)
• "Stoicism training" (i.e. laying on the ground in a public place, asking for a discount somewhere you know they won't give you one, wearing loud outfits at snobby places - basically just doing things to adorn thicker skin)

Snoozer of a post huh?

Okay. I'll try to save it with some story time. Naturally the protagonist here is going to be Carolyn because she's my whole world right now (you aren't here yet).

I'll regale you with the tale of our first "date".

This is a real gas - your old man has it within him to be something of a Lance Romance.

Not this time though. We just told this story at a double-date last week though and we can barely make it through the story. You probably won't find it as funny because we're just old farts and you can't imagine us being young and in love.

We struggled to meet up - I didn't get a text back the night we met. Next time she was partying at a casino. I don't remember being excessively poor at this point but I was 21 and paying all my own bills and tuition - that doesn't excuse what comes next.

So I invited Carolyn over to "hang out" at my house...

with my brother (Patrick)...

drinking beers (your mom doesn't drink beers, ever)...

watching The Departed (a very intense movie that you have to follow closely to appreciate)...

For reasons unknown, she agreed to this. When I went to pick her up (in my silver, oxidized, 1997 Honda Civic coupe - so dope) her girlfriends took down my license plate since there was a high probability that I was a psychopath. The verdict is still out.

The drive from her place to mine was about 10 minutes - in that time your mother told me that she...

"was, seriously, not that funny"...

"like, not pretty at all"...

"not smart"..

"and not that interesting actually"...

I offered to turn around because I legitimately thought she had changed her mind about hanging out (which, honestly, who could blame her).

Anyways, I don't recall every detail of the evening except that Carolyn always says that Patrick was just talking a bunch and asking questions while the movie played in the background (which, if you're close with Uncle Pat, is unusual because he's usually quite introverted).

This was in mid-April. Eventually, after she had unloaded her beer on me, we ended up sitting outside on the porch swing staring up to the stars and our conversation ebbed and flowed as easily as taking a breath. We sat outside for six hours and laughed and bared our souls to one another. I remember her beautiful long brown hair and big brown eyes. She wore jeans and a turquoise striped v-neck shirt with Vans.

She just emanated kindness and love with all the things she said, and those didn't say. I wish I could remember which words we spoke to each other - what stories we told and which dreams we shared, but alas, what remained was a blur of emotion.

Then we broke up five weeks later. But that's a story for another time. Ask your mom what her least favorite Katy Perry song is.

Don't ask me because I hate them all.

Love always,

Dad

Song of the week: "Free" by Rudimental feat. Emeli Sande 
I mostly just like the part when she sings "c'est la vie" because it is my favorite phrase lately. It's the French version of the Serenity Prayer.

Photo I took in France - sure hope this is still standing

Project 1. Fin.

Hurro,

I'm not going to give a ton of detail here recapping the 4 week experiment because I'm sure its boring as heck.

Strong points: total caffeine fast, sugar fast 6 days a week, woke up at 5:20 everyday (except like twice when that snooze called my name but was still up by 5:40), worked out 75% of committed. Read at least 30min/day on average.

Weak stuff: meditation- meh. Journal - you're looking at it. Meals - eh, 50-75%. Dishes - 50%.

So overall - I failed. Because I would have only been satisfied with 100% success on all topics. That said I think setting the lofty goal led to decent completion ratio and I am certain that I did better than I would have without the goals.

So I was talking to my best work bro - the Frazz - today while I imbibed upon my first cortado in a month. We came to some realizations about the nature of this world that we live in - you're about to be enlightened.

1. Your life is your fault (which is a given)
2. You need to work on controlling yourself - stop floating through life existing
3. You are operating low on the hierarchy of needs and can push yourself higher (self-actualization)
4. Embrace your humanity - we tried to shun vanity and opted for "overall health" because to be vain is to be sinful - that was stupid though. Having six abs can help motivate you and you're going to need all the motivation you can get.

In other news, my job is still whooping my tuckus but progress has been made. Your mother is still a saint of a human being.

Story time:

You won't fully be able to appreciate this because for your entire life you will have watched your mom bend over backwards to take care of you - but I'll take you back to a time long ago. When I bought my first house (which she was not even moving into) something spectacular happened. Carolyn (aka Mom) grew up very well loved and spoiled (but in the best way, you would never know) so when she offered to help out with the home remodeling I was expecting a cute girl to show up and sort-of try, while sort-of being in the way. I was sort-of 168% wrong. She was showing butt crack, busting a sweat, and working harder than a contractor with 20 years of experience. She took initiative and took direction. I have never been more happily surprised with anyone in my life (thus far). I knew I wanted to spend my life with your mother very early on (I told your grandmother I would marry her after 8 months at a Christmas mass) but this was the deal-sealer. She was veracious and beautiful. She worked hard and was playful and had a light spirit.

I love to be wrong about your mother. Don't get me wrong - I think so highly of her that I imagine her resting upon Mount Olympus being hand fed grapes by a lesser goddess. I tell you that to tell you this: do not underestimate the beauty and grace of the woman who you are so blessed to call your mother - because if you do; you're wrong.

So let's recap... was I able to pontificate a worldview that you don't care about and didn't ask for? Check. Did I give advice as a directive to a subordinate that you'll probably ignore? Assuredly. Did I try to show a glimpse of how I love your mother through a time capsule? Sure did.

I did what I came here to do.

Love always,

Dad

Day 8 - Progress/Adjustments

Fart nuggies,

I'm realizing as I update this blog that the only thing more boring than listening to your now-old man pontificate on the wisdom of the ages is to read his diary of self-help mediocrity. But the wheel is turning - so we must press on.

Firstly, I'm not hitting 100% success rate - I blame lack of accountability. No one knows what I'm doing and I have nothing to lose if I fail.

Morning routines - pretty much rocked out but was consistently late on my way out the door (too many dank meme breaks). Also, I hate working out in the morning. It really sucks to strap on shoes and go to 100 degree garage, alone and tired, and I would really prefer to enjoy the golden hours of morning.

For the night-time routines, I have also sucked. I think I hit double meditation twice. Journaled only electronically (including this). Meal preparation I'm 2/2 on and I have read every night. Some nights I read for over 2 hours which is intoxicating (currently reading: Atlas Shrugged - if one of you is named Atlas it will have been a contributing factor). Dishes? Eh. Definitively better, but I think we let them stack one night. Electronics fast has been a big win- I'm sure you'll have cybernetic implants or something and won't be able to separate but it is such a relief if you can. Silence is golden - occasionally I will just sit and think - very strange feeling.

How do I feel though?

Pretty damn good, actually. I can stay up all day without missing a beat (for comparison I would be fully out of commission without re-fueling by about 3pm) am no longer missing caffeine, although I thirst for the taste of coffee from the depths of loins. I've considered dabbling in decaf - which is ironic because I remember scoffing at patrons of P.F. Changs when they would order their stupid decaf coffee thinking it was so pointless.

Meditation wise - loving it. I have reduced my structure significantly and have several 2 minute blocks where I attempt to fade into nothingness. In fact the only thing that has remained constant is the slot for gratitude training. Never a shortage of people/things to be grateful for.

So here's the deal - revamping the schedule just by moving stuff around.

Weekday morning schedule: (note: not allowed to touch your phone until after meditation from now on)

• 5:20 am:         Wake up
• 5:20-5:30 am: Restroom, drink ice water, make bed
• 5:30-5:50 am: Read
• 5:50-6:05 am: Eat breakfast (while reading!) (rice, broc, bean)
• 6:05-6:15 am: Shower, dress
• 6:15-6:25 am: Meditate
• 6:25-6:40 am: Walk the Nixi
• 6:40 am:          Go to work

Weekday evening activities:

• Meditate (10 minutes)
• Journal (5 minutes)
• Meal preparation (if necessary)
• Exercise (minimum of 20 minutes or 2 miles ran)
• All dishes done and put away

Okay stinky-diaper-fillers, signing off because it is my bed time. Don't worry - with no electronics I will make up the 10 minutes or reading time lost (in case you were counting).

Love always,

Dad

P.S. I totally neglected almost everything today because I tried to take my GMAT after studying between 6-10 hours (which is not enough). I did okay but the chances that I have an MBA as I sire you into the world are very slim.

P.S.S. Your uncle Andrew showed up this weekend unexpectedly and we got the crew together to go see your great grandparents. You guys are going to be coming into a great (extended) family.

Song of the week: CROSS MY MIND - A R I Z O N A - It's sort of like Toto Rains in Africa meets modern day pop goodness. Living in AZ gives me a bias as well even though they're from New Jersey.

Your hot mom - no reason. Just because.

Day 3 of 28 - Check-in

It's Wednesday my dudes,

HOLY SHINTO! I utterly failed to comprehend the effects of the caffeine fast. I read about it after the fact and apparently there is a smart way to ween yourself off the juice but I went full cold turkey and Monday was actually one of the hardest days (first-world problems) I can remember.

Me on Monday: Splitting headache, lethargic and generally worthless.

I did actually complete the morning routine set out in the last post (except I ran about 10 minutes late because of some windshield wiper installation on your mother's vehicle). Then at work - had to give 110% as always but was running on fumes at by 10am. Your old man just took a new job and it's very demanding - lots to learn.

After work I drop off  the dry-cleaning and drive, in a haze, home. I nap on the couch while your saint of a mother prepares dinner which was an orzo pasta dish with loads of delicious fresh vegetables. I stayed awake just long enough to murder 2 bowls of the pasta and consume way too much bread. Then I did the dishes and told her I was going to lay down for 20 minutes. This was maybe 7pm or so. I woke up at 9pm and went to sleep and slept through the night.

Overall, not bad but was so far I am not accomplishing everything on the action list. Tuesday at 5:20am came and I was able to muster the strength to conquer the morning although while I was lacing up the Nikes I asked myself "is this really worth it?" and "do I actually need to be healthy?". The headaches were more bearable and I made it through the day. Carolyn got home after me and told her I would take her out to dinner so we wouldn't have to cook and clean that night. We were in bed asleep by 8:20pm and it was GLORIOUS.

Today felt much better. I didn't feel like death was creeping behind every corner and I actually felt a strange energy that I cannot recall feeling in ages. Last night I dreamt for the first time in recent memory. Read a little bit of "Atlas Shrugged" and ate vegetarian enchiladas that your mother makes. (I wonder what will be in her rotation when you read this) Did round 2 of meditation for the day a few minutes ago - it was nice but I didn't develop a third eye or anything. Popping this off in lieu of an actual journal entry. It's 7:23pm and the bed is screaming my name already.

Love always,

Dad

On Trying Something (that you know you will fail at)

Dear Kiddos,

I've noticed that as I write these entries I desire to appear indestructible to you. It's easy to write prose on the death of dreams and pretend to have unlimited inspiration and motivation when you look at a snapshot in time. So this time I'm going to mix it up write about something I intend to do but that (for me at least) will feel like a mammoth task.

I don't think I have the fortitude to commit to this for life but want to try a four week sprint - this is my version of living a life of intent, at an elevated level. From diet and substance intake to exercise and meditation. Fasting from electronics and desire.

Daily commitments:

• Caffeine fast (green tea during week 1 if "necessary")
• Electronics/television fast (on weekdays excluding business)
• Sugar fast (except Saturdays)
• Track progress on this experiment
• Eat meals at the table (not in front of TV)

Weekday morning schedule:

• 5:20 am:         Wake up
• 5:20-5:30 am: Restroom, drink ice water, make bed
• 5:30-5:50 am: Exercise
• 5:50-6:05 am: Eat breakfast (rice, vegetable, bean)
• 6:05-6:15 am: Shower, dress
• 6:15-6:25 am: Meditate
• 6:25-6:40 am: Walk the Nixi
• 6:40 am:          Go to work

Weekday evening activities:

• Meditate (10 minutes)
• Journal (5 minutes)
• Meal preparation (if necessary)
• Read (non-work related for 30 minutes)
• All dishes done and put away

Task completion:

• Construct a bucket list for life
• Tidying up completion (through sentimental and then get rid of it)
• Fast (only water) on Sundays - donate approximate food cost to charity
• Construct and organize "to-do list" utilizing 4 quadrants (7 Habits)

So that's what I'm going to try to do for the next 4 weeks. Stop wasting time doing things that don't seem to add much value to life. It's reasonable enough that I won't feel like a martyr but certainly a higher standard than I've grown used to lately. I get horrendous headaches right now on days when I don't have excessive amounts of coffee - not to mention I spend a fortune on it every year. I want to read more and eat healthy food that gives me nutrients like eagle's eggs (ask your uncle Andrew about this sometime). 

I'll let you know how I do - maybe this will be easy and I will do it for the rest of my life. Maybe I'm as weak as I fear and I won't even be able to wake up the first day. Wish me luck.

Love always,

Dad

On the Death of your Dreams

Dear Kiddos,

Okay, the title may be a little depressing. But this is a reality that you will be faced with as you grow up. Did you want to be firefighter? A physicist? A financial advisor? A stylist? Professional athlete? Teacher? Etc.

If you're anything like me you wanted to be a lot of things. Curiosity didn't just kill the cat. It kills the part of your soul that wants to live a lot of different lives and experience everything. I am faced to acknowledge that while I may be able to live a couple of dreams - you have to let go of many of them.

This has been depressing me lately as I fight through my quarter-life crisis. I haven't mastered this yet (obviously) but I think the trick is to be more judicious with what you choose to hold onto and what you allow to die. 

Letting go of dreams that you don't really believe in or that cannot happen will enrich the rest of your life. You won't be forced to live with the fear or guilt about not making those things a reality. And as they fade into the ether of existence you will be able to more fully embrace the life you have. 

On a side note - take big risks on your passions and dreams before you have anything. The more you have to lose, the less likely you will be able to let go of fear and chase down your dreams. And that is precisely what it will feel like. You'll have to bareknuckle brawl a freaking grizzly bear and wrestle an alligator in to submission in a battle royale to the death. That's what it costs to taste your dreams. But once you find the woman of your dreams, have a couple mortgages, a great job with people you enjoy working with, thinking about bringing you nerds into the world ... It becomes almost impossible to take big risks. 

The point of this isn't to make you feel like you can't do the things you want to do but to make sure that you are living a life of intent. Because like your grandfather always says "you have time for anything, just not time for everything". 

So figure out what you want out of this life as best you can (if you don't have the full picture, that's okay! I still don't!) and then chase it down and ride the unicorn into the sunset. And then as you sunsets behind your unicorn steed let the other dreams/ambitions/desires die with dignity. Thank them for their influence on your life and then let them go.

Cheers to the death of dreams!

Love always,

Dad

Fitting photo I suppose

Your Life Is Your Fault

Dear Kiddos,

You are very likely to realize this in stages as you grow up. Lately this thought has been throwing me uppercuts to the chin and speed bagging my yahoos repeatedly.  

Let’s just get out in front of the obvious argument here. You are not in control of anyone else. Shoot, I’m not even really in control of you (although I probably can hold things like rent or whatever over your head as leverage, especially if you’re twelve). You also aren’t in control of your genetic coding or whatever – if you are unhappy about being born ridiculously good-looking and able to eat whatever you want that is your mom’s fault.

Twice in the past two months I’ve been passed up for promotions at work. I have been given some lines about experience and time-in-role and whatnot. Those may be legitimate issues of mine but I’m certain they are not the reason that I didn’t get these jobs. Don’t ever let yourself be a victim. When you get beat out for something, fail a test, or whatever you need to look at yourself in the mirror and answer a simple question – “did I deserve to get beat?”.

I’ll save you a split second of the soul searching – the answer is yes. That’s why you got beat. And that isn’t to say you didn’t do well, or put forth a decent effort. You may even feel that you were a better candidate or that the umpire doesn’t like you because your dad kicked dirt in his cleats last year. Those things might also be true.

But did you do everything you could have? Hell nah.

I’ll try to stop before it gets too obtuse but I’ll give you some examples from my recent experience about things that I could have done differently.

Project work – could have worked on the 18 projects that I have thought of over the past few months at work but pushed off because of uncertainty. They would have distinguished me as a better leader but they didn’t happen so they didn’t.

Personal development – I have been a professional now for 5 years and for the most part have been satisfied to clock in and out for the day job (even though it was sometimes a 60-hour week) and during that time I could have already completed an MBA program and/or my CFP. Instead I spent 4 days acquiring a CRPC that everyone else has. That’s just the obvious stuff that goes on a resume. Who knows what other skills I could have developed?

Networking – I have met a lot of people through the years and have done an average to poor job of nurturing those relationships.

I also probably could have gone to class in college, woken up early, not watched so many Netflix original series, taken less coffee breaks, passed my CFA level 1, volunteered more in the local community, etc.

You get the point.

I was at this absurd mansion this past week attending for a wedding. He opened up his thousand dollar bottles of scotch. There was an umbrella that’s probably bigger than our house. 

What does that guy have that I don’t? Nothing. He’s just a man, and so I am. And so are you (or you’re a woman – but it’s the same. I just don’t feel like differentiating genders all the time. This lesson works for all of us.)

Here’s the real deal squad – suck it up, own your failures, realize that your life is your fault and do something about it.

I can just hear your passive-aggressive voice now “So what are you doing now, dad?”

I'm revamping my daily life and furthering my education of course! Always a good generic answer! I take my GMAT on June 26^th. You’ll know how well I do by what type of house you’re living in. After that we look at MBA programs and whatnot. Who knows what’s next? But I’m taking steps to make myself harder to say no to and that’s what matters most.

Off the soapbox and back to work!

Love always,

Dad